Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Mom in Transition is a Mom in a new Phase

MOM IN TRANSITION is a MOM IN A NEW PHASE


PHASE means to carry out something in gradual steps.

Just like all moms and dads too, there is a phase we experience with our children. We enjoyed the phase when they were babies, cooing and gooing, watching them crawl, walk, saying words, then developing full sentences.

The next phase was the terrible two's, as bad as it was there were times when it was funny (ADMIT IT.. YOU LAUGHED)

Then your child grew up and you had to go through the phase of releasing your baby on the 1st day of school. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was nervous! I was in tears, but he was smiling ready for me to release him. 
Time moved on and the next phase was the number grades. We watched them develop and come into their character. The mood swings and subtle sarcastic remarks would come out their mouths and we would have to take a step back, trying to compose ourselves, trying not to go upside their head. Sometimes I would have to leave the room to calm down, then to laugh because although I have a son, he has my attitude at times and sly remakes. I corrected that immediately and didn't have any more problems after that. Now at that time, he was in the 5th and 6th grade.                                                   

In June 2016 my not so little boy anymore, graduated from 8th grade. 

I cried of course. But now I'm in a NEW PHASE. A scary phase: HIGH SCHOOL. It is quite scary being a parent of a high school kid. We don't know what we will encounter. My son is on the school's football team. It was a great and fulfilling transition to see him on the Middle School football team (which by the way they ended their season undefeated!) to play on the High School's Freshmen Football to team (which they only lost 1 game in the entire season!!!). But I was scared out my mind when he called me one Friday night, while I was stuck in traffic trying to get home from work, TELLING me that he was going to the Varsity's Football game. Well first, I had to put him in his place. I told him that just because he is now in high school that doesn't give him the right to TELL me where he is going, he must ASK first. I can definitely tell you that when they are in high school, they think that they are already grown. But we have to constantly remind them that they are so far from being grown and an adult. 
Well, after I corrected him, he did ASK. And then there was this dead silence. I think the silence lingered for eternity. My heart began to pound. I was scared. SHOULD I LET HIM GO? He only went out during the day to hang out with his friends at a nearby park or go to football practice. But to go to a game at 6:30 at night (kick-off is at 7) and it's going to be dark when the game is over around 9:30 or so and then for him to walk back home with his good friend was TERRIFYING for me. As much as I wanted to shout NO! STAY HOME! LET'S PLAY A GAME! HEY WE CAN GO OUT FOR DINNER OR SOMETHING, I knew this was the day I dreaded that was coming in high school. I took a deep breath and said, "Okay, but your curfew is 9. You better be in the house by 9. Your phone better be on and you better answer it when I call you." He was so eager and thrilled to go. I called everybody that night. Excited but scared because this was his first time out the house like this. Getting home without him there to come out his room telling me how hungry he is felt weird.  (Which you need to know that high school boys and girls are always hungry) I remember it was 7 o' clock because Good Times was on (my Friday night go to) That was the longest 2 hours of my life. At one point I went in his room and I stood there in silence, realizing that I am not ready for the next phase in my life....in his life. I was nervous. I want to still hold his hand, I want to take him to the park and watch him run and play and take him to the zoo....I can't remember the last time we went to the zoo. He got to the age of 11 and told me that he was too old to go to the zoo. I stood there taking in the memories. I even pulled out his baby book and held his first outfit he wore home from the hospital. 


I had to realize that he isn't my little baby anymore. And this new phase of HIGH SCHOOL is going to be exciting and full of everything.

So for the next 4 years, you are going to come on this new journey with me as I get insight and you get insight too. You probably have a son and/ or daughter that is beginning high school or has already begun. Feel free to share your new phase too. I co-teach at a high school and see the hormonal imbalance, the distance, hearing TMI.. but to experience it at home is different. As of now, my son has just finished the 1st marking period.... which was....okay... not too bad. Since the first day of school my son tells me that in 4 years he will be leaving to go to college IN ANOTHER STATE. 
I just take a deep breath and say, "Just let me get through this new phase first before I enter the empty nest phase."
momsnewphase.blogspot.com

*PICTURES WILL BE LIMITED AND USED WITH MY SON'S PERMISSION TO RESPECT HIS PRIVACY.


Monday, August 22, 2016

Whisper Out Loud: Black Women in domestic violent relationships

Whisper Out Loud: Black Women in domestic violent relationships: It has always been said that back women are strong, independent, hardworking and has the blood through their veins to be powerful, voc...

Black Women in domestic violent relationships





It has always been said that back women are strong, independent, hardworking and has the blood through their veins to be powerful, vocal and is a born fighter. All of these things are true but there are misconceptions about some black women. When the words domestic violence is heard, people automatically assume that it is a white, Hispanic, or Asian woman. A woman of color never comes to mind. Why? Not only because of the multiple descriptions above but because it's known that black women will fight back and will never back down from a fight. This is so far from the truth. There are black women who are in a domestic violent relationship or marriage. Just like so many other women, they too fell trapped and have a sense of no escape.

Domestic Violence doesn't have a color and sex. Yes, some men are in domestic violent relationships too. I honestly believe that they are non-vocal because they (men) are in an uncommon situation. But looking at the black women, there are more cases of black women in domestic violent relationship that coming out in the open. Many of the women in these cases witnessed someone in their home when they was a child, who they looked up to as a strong female in their life, get beat up on by men. Sometime during their childhood, they try to comfort the female they admired only to be turned away with a single phase, "I'm okay. It'll be alright." With that simple phrase they assumed that things were okay and that, that is what's to happen to women.

Also in the black culture, spankings are called beatings. As a child our mothers wouldn't say you are going to be a spanking; they would say, "You are going to get a beating when you get home." Sometimes the beatings doesn't happen at home. Sometimes the beatings would take place in the back seat of a car or in a public restroom. But at home....the dad would do the "beating". Interesting, how a grown man would beat their daughter and after the beating were over, it was the talk about how they beat them because they love them. This can confuse any young child, especially a young girl. At that point her spirit is broken and thinks that if she gets hit, it's because she is loved. I believe that's where it starts with most women of color.

Some black women who didn't grow up in a home with a dad could have possibly experienced the gradual effects of domestic violence in other ways. That first boyfriend or that first crush who used her and she missed all the signs. Some black women who are CEO's and who hold high positions in their career, can also be in a domestic violent relationship but can it hide it very well. Sometimes they would take their frustrations out on their employees or co-workers. Tyler Perry's movie "Madea's Family Reunion", is about a black woman in a violent relationship. He shows how it's difficult for some women to leave a toxic and dangerous relationship because of family and the blindness of material things. I wrote a novel called "Rescuing Destiny" about a young CEO becoming trapped in a domestic violent relationship that she covered up for years. Both characters, Lisa in Madea's Family Reunion and Destiny in Rescuing Destiny,  feared for their lives and what they can lose. Domestic Violence in the black community is present and is becoming more common.

Shedding light on domestic violence regardless of race or sex is a priority that shouldn't be taken lightly. Here are some signs that shows gradual steps in a violent relationship.

  • Jealousy
  • Controlling behavior
  • Isolation
  • Blames others for problems and feelings
  • hypersensitive
  • Cruelty to animals and children
  • Force Sex
  • Verbal abuse
  • Dual personality
  • Past battering
  • Threats of violence
  • Breaking and striking objects
  • Any force during an argument
http://www.newchoicesinc.org/help/DV/signs


It's never too late to get out.  If you know anyone who is being abused or maybe you are a victim call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1800-799-7233 or you can visit www.thehotline.org




Sunday, July 10, 2016

Whisper Out Loud: Can't Stay Calm

Whisper Out Loud: Can't Stay Calm: During the last couple of days this country, the USA, experienced another heartbreaking tragedy involving police brutality which e...

Can't Stay Calm





During the last couple of days this country, the USA, experienced another heartbreaking tragedy involving police brutality which ended the lives of Alton Sterling and Philandro Castile. Police brutality in the USA has become so out control that the Bahamas has issued an travel advisory to their citizens who are planning to travel to the USA in mist of them celebrating their Independence Day. http://fox2now.com/2016/07/10/bahamas-issues-travel-warning-to-citizens-traveling-to-u-s/ 
I wouldn't be surprised if other counties begin to follow suit. There has been numerous of protests around the USA, as well as overseas like London, that are in raged about the heightened police brutality against black people.

As a black American woman, I feel the tension when I am in the area that is known as predominately white. But my greatest fear is for my son who is a 13 year old, 5'9 black male who is in high school. He has a set of diverse friends and is very active in sports. He is a great kid that never gave me a hard time, stayed out of trouble, and has always been respectful to adults. He is also the type of kid who would befriend someone who is being bullied. He has always had a big heart. But with recent events, me and his step-dad had to sit down and talk to him about what has transpired once again. Walking into his room, I told him that we needed to talk to him because another innocent black male was murdered by the police. His eyes shot wide open. As we spoke to him, I was holding back my frustration and tears because here I am having the "reinforce" conversation with my son about growing up black in America.



It's scary that his life is threatened everyday because of the color of his skin. I never thought that I would ever have to have this conversation with my son when he was born. My "counterparts" doesn't 
have to have this conversation with their kids. They can walk out the house, go to the store, and get pulled over by the cops without being harassed and make it home ALIVE. I know that not all police officers are racists and are not out to cause harm to minorities. But there are plenty of corrupt cops that are getting away with murder by placing them on paid administrative leave, probation, house arrest and given their badges and firearm back. We have the Black Lives Matter and there are people who are against it or feel as though All Lives Matter. It is true that All Lives Matter, but when one particular life is in jeopardy and is constantly attacked, then that life matters. And at this time, that has always existed... black people lives has always been on jeopardy and is in constant attack. 

At the end of the day, everyone wants peace. I want peace. I want peace of mind that my son, husband, father, brother, uncles and cousins will come home safe at the end of their day. So, I can't keep calm. As a black American mom, wife, daughter, sister, niece and cousin, I may never keep calm.




Sunday, June 12, 2016

Whisper Out Loud: No Make-up Movement

Whisper Out Loud: No Make-up Movement: A lot of people made a big fuss about Alicia Keys beginning her

No Make-up Movement





A lot of people made a big fuss about Alicia Keys beginning her "no make-up" movement. A lot of people begin to bash her and other people for showing their flaws, as if their faces are flawless. Some people said that there are women who "need" make-up on their face to fix what God couldn't fix. Wow! That is absolutely heartless. I have a virgin face at the age of 35 years old. I've never experimented with make-up, no blush, contouring, foundation, powder, nothing.



It all has to do with my upbringing. Ever seen I was a child, my mother would always tell me that I don't need make-up on my face. She also emphasized about how beautiful my complexion was. And she wasn't the only person. It also helped that I went to an all girl high school, so I didn't have to be concerned about make-up but at the same time I was never into the whole "make-up" your face.



Getting older I had people (adults), friends, and family who wanted to try to convince me to start wearing make-up because I was getting older and I need to uplift my look instead of looking bland and still young. So, I cut my hair and put highlights in it. A new hair do with highlights can also brighten your complexion without the need of make-up.



But still it wasn't good enough. A friend of mine who wears make-up mentions to me about getting my face done one weekend. Just the thought of covering my face with the powder or creamy texture makes me cringe. I was told that make-up enhances your beauty but why hide your natural beauty. But I've never understood why I get hounded about not wearing make-up at the age of 35. I'm completely happy with my untouched face. Sure, once in a while I'll put on a little mascara when I go out on a date with my boyfriend and wear different shades of Cover Girl's Lip Lava Lip Gloss but that's how far I'll go.





I've seen the same people who always has something to say about my no make-up face who wear make-up and have horrible acne, dark spots, black lines and circles around their eyes and look older than they really are. If that's what happens to your face when you wear caked- up make-up, I'm just content with my simple mascara and lip gloss.



There are many other women like myself who doesn't wear make-up. So many of us have always been apart of the "no make-up" revolution, natural beauty Alicia Keys has brought to the forefront. It truly makes me feel good to see a celebrity that can show how real and raw they are by not hiding under a painted face.



A few close men in my life hate when women wear make-up. They say that they can't kiss or embrace them the way they want because the women doesn't want her make-up to smudge or smear. And the men doesn't want to get all that make-up on their clothes. One married man told me that he can't keep count of the number of pillowcases that was messed up because of make-up stains, or in the summer time to see women who wear make-up have it run down their faces because of their sweat from the heat. They feel as if they are hiding their identity. Some women put so much make-up on, it makes them look like a completely different person. No wonder some men are surprised after seeing their women natural face.




One man said and I quote, "It's a cover up. Once they take the make-up off they are a total different person, they're trying to cover up their flaws, things you never seen on them are there before when they take off the make-up. Listen to the word MAKE-UP. That's not fair to a man AT ALL! Don't trick a man into liking you by faking your appearance. That just tell us a lot about you to start off with. Think about it, the more make-up you wear or the constant times you may wear it, the more your face will break out. You ever heard that when you lie you have to cover that lie with another then another and another. That's just like make-up. The more you use it the more you continue to use it to cover up."



I feel as though women should be happy with themselves with or without make-up. By no means, if wearing make-up makes you happy and gives you the self- esteem you need, that's fine but don't bash those who don't want to hide behind the make-up and prefer to embrace their natural beauty.


Friday, April 29, 2016

Whisper Out Loud: Transgenders in the society

Whisper Out Loud: Transgenders in the society:                                   In 2016 we are now facing something new in my generation of the 70

Transgenders in the society

                       
         
In 2016 we are now facing something new in my generation of the 70's, 80's and early 90's. Like our parents and grandparents who were born in the 40's, 50's and 60's, we have to comprehend this new identity. Our grandparents and parents had to come to terms about people being gay. It was like an epidemic to them. They found it hard to understand and accept. It was new. And we all know that anything new is frightening. At that time, we were teenagers and in our early twenties. (I'm speaking of the late 80's, 90's and early 2000's.) We understood what was going on and accepted our friends and family who decided to come out the closet. Well today we find ourselves in the same situation as our grandparents and parents. Today we are facing the transgender community. Transgenders are people who feel like they were born in the wrong body. Men feel like they were supposed to be born female and women who feel like they are supposed to be born male. We understood the transsexual fetish but then we became confused like our grandparents and parents when transgendered began to surround the United States. Many people try to understand the transgender community and some runway from them, tormenting them by any means necessary.

Lately the country has been faced with the decision of having transgenders use the bathrooms that they identify with. Target, a major retailer, was the first to change its policy about transgender using their bathrooms. It was a big protest from many people who didn't agrees to this new change. On one hand, you have transgenders who want to use the bathroom that they identify with. On the other hand, you have those who are against it fear that it will open doors to predators. For instance, you can have a man who isn't transgender, decide to dress as a female, with the wig, contour makeup, fake boobs and everything, go into a female bathroom and get his rocks off by any means necessary. By any means necessary can mean setting up a small camera, a peek hole, or physical assault. Or what about real transgenders who is still attracted by the opposite sex, like the now  Katilyn Jenner formerly known as Bruce Jenner. She admits that she is attracted to women and will continue to date women. But she uses the women's bathroom. How does that work? It's one thing to have a lesbian use the bathroom but a transgender male who is still attracted to females, is another thing. It goes for the same thing for a transgender woman who use the male bathrooms but is still attracted to men. 

Pascack Valley Regional High School in New Jersey had adopted a policy to allow transgender students to use the bathrooms and locker rooms based on their gender identity. They adopted this policy because it had to agree with the anti-discrimination laws. As you know many parents and students was against this new policy. Like I stated the concerns about transgenders using public bathrooms, the concerns of the parents are the same. They say that the new policy will compromise their kids privacy. The school board did say that any non-transgender student who isn't comfortable with the new policy is given an option to change in a more private location. http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/04/11/pascack-valley-transgender-policy/

It's hard to understand and accept for some. But for the transgender community they see it as segregation and still not able to truly identify who they really are. They are looking for the same rights just like everybody else. Transgenders aren't scary, abnormal people. They are just people. Human beings like the rest of us on this planet called Earth. I have to admit that it's still hard for me to understand some things about the transgender community and find it confusing but I will respect them just like I would want them to respect me. It will take time for my generation to comprehend all of this. I can hear my Christian family and friends and, "But the Bible says not to conform to this world because we are not of this world." This is true. To conform means to change. The Bible tells us not to change ourselves to become like the world. But the Bible, Jesus, told us to love one another. I can love you and not understand and accept your views or transformation. Remember we are to love one another as we love ourselves. 

That means love the gays, transgenders, the presidential candidates LOL. We may not like and agree with what they do or say but not everything that we do and say people agree with either.

Accepting the transgender community is something that is new to this country. Some people feel as if it is being shoved down their throats and faves. Their is a lot of gray areas that need to be filled in with the new upcoming laws concerning the transgenders using the bathrooms. This is just the beginning of change. And change can sometimes strengthen or weaken you. How will this change affect you?

Friday, April 15, 2016

Whisper Out Loud: Keeping Calm, Fighting on while Helping Others

Whisper Out Loud: Keeping Calm, Fighting on while Helping Others: I have been MIA for weeks now from all social networks, some family and others. My world had stopped spinning. As others went abo...

Keeping Calm, Fighting on while Helping Others





I have been MIA for weeks now from all social networks, some family and others. My world had stopped spinning. As others went about their weeks, my weeks felt like months. You can never honestly sympathize with people until you are in a similar position. On March 31st, I heard words come out of my mother’s mouth that I thought I would never hear. She revealed to me that her doctor told her that she has breast cancer. I stood there waiting for the punch line that never came. I thought maybe this is an early tasteless April Fools joke. But it wasn't. It was real life and at that moment me, my son, my brother and my mom world stopped. We had to come to terms about what was happening. We had family and friends who bonded together to pray and helped increase our faith. And there were some who made it seem like it was a death sentence. We quickly shut them down, ignore their calls and continue the fight.

My mother is one of the few women who stay on top of their health and is lucky. When my mother turned 40, she got her first mammogram. And every year from then, she went to the doctor’s annually, at the same time to get a full check-up. This is the reason the breast cancer was caught very early. Not only does she get her annual mammogram, but she also goes to her GYN, her primary Doctor, and does routine CAT scans. Our bodies break down everyday as we go about living our scheduled routine lives. We only stop to go to the doctor when the over the counter medication doesn't work. But as hard as it may be, we have to schedule our annual pit stop to the doctor to make sure everything is in working order. Thankfully, my mother has the best, top of the line, health insurance and was directed to highly recommended doctors in Jersey. My mother is already in good hands with God, but God also placed her in their hands because He knew the doctors that speak and think the same kind of faith we have.

We are blessed because of this, especially since we live in the NY/NJ area where the medical teams are more advanced. But many people aren't as fortunate. Many people can't afford to have health insurance and have the best doctors that they hear their family and friends talk about. It's hard for single parents to afford to take care of themselves, because of all their time and money goes to their child or children. I know my mom is in great hands but I can't help but to think of those who are less fortunate. It's so easy to tell someone to go to the doctor and get checked but to be in their position is a different story. Yes, they can get help from the state and get help at their local healthcare offices, but they are still limited. Those without the proper medical insurance can't get the proper medical care. And because of this, they don't go.

But we have to take care of ourselves so we can live a long time to see our grandchildren, great grandchildren and possibly or great, great grandchildren. It may seem hard but it's worth our lives. A simple routine can save our lives. The numerous of new diseases and illnesses that are affecting more now than 10, 20, 30 years ago. Many of these ailments are curable and can be managed but it lies in our hands.

Part of it rely on us taking better care of our bodies besides going to the doctor for annual check-ups. It relies on us to eat healthy and stay active, by exercising. Let's be honest, eating healthy is expensive. But there are ways we can eat healthy on a budget that is suitable for people on low income salary. I'm talking about those who make less than $30,000 a year.

So, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to help those who can't afford to eat healthy stay on track and buy food that can fit their budget. I have a 13 year old son, who plays football, and who's appetite is increasing along with his height of 5’8. So, budgeting is what I am all about. Every Sunday, beginning April 24th, I’ll put up a shopping list, the total I spent, meal plans and an exercising plan that we can fit into our busy hectic schedules. And don't worry, I won't include those 5, 6 or 7 am workouts, unless that fits into YOUR schedule.

We can do this. We can survive and catch our issues early, like my mother and thousands of others. And be SURVIVORS just like them.


Saturday, March 26, 2016

Whisper Out Loud: Judgment Within the Church

Whisper Out Loud: Judgment Within the Church: I had to tackle this ongoing issue that I see happening more as I've gotten older and became aware of who and what is real and fake...

Judgment Within the Church



I had to tackle this ongoing issue that I see happening more as I've gotten older and became aware of who and what is real and fake. We all have dealt with our share of fake people, condemning people, people who would judge you before you even open your mouth and get to know you and your whole story. We've dealt with them in our own way. Sometimes we would escape the voices and go to church. Going to church people look for a place for clarity, to hear from God, to seek refuge, to get caught up in the praise and worship, etc, but instead they are received with condemning eyes and judgmental whispers. Before I dwell into this blog understand that I am not bashing the church. Although some people would probably think that I am... but oh well, take it or move on.

Lately I've noticed people who come to church sometimes for a visit they are sometimes attack by some church people. People who go to church faithfully and have developed a relationship with God tend to forget that they too were and still are sinners. They tend to forget that they were once in the world and can remember freshly how it feels to be condemned by others, especially people in the church. People in the church are the most condemning, judgmental people in this world, especially to those who are "their kind". Their kind are the other church people. As soon as someone in the church messes up and confess their wrongdoings, other church people are quick to cut their tongue at them. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! For example, recently Israel Houghton, a Grammy Award winning gospel artist has recently came out and told the world that he and his wife of 20 years had divorced due to his infidelity. They tried to work on their marriage for years but had decided to divorced. Well, the church went crazy. Some people took it so far as to condemn this man to hell and throwing away his albums, and never supporting him again. This is what the world saw the church folk did to  "their own kind". He admitted that he was wrong, confessed and asked for forgiveness to his wife and God. We know that he received forgiveness from God and probably his wife but now the church world is tearing him apart. He can't even date his new girlfriend Adrienne Bailon without the church people talking. And now to hear that he took a personal sabbatical from being the lead Praise and Worship singer at Lakewood Church whose pastor is Joel Olsteen, has gone too far. There were rumors stating that Olsteen had fired him but Israel had "cleared" the rumor. But, I honestly wonder if it was a cover-up for the megachurch itself.  http://www.ajc.com/news/lifestyles/israel-houghton-i-have-not-been-fired-from-joel-os/nqsDX/

Church people had also attacked Kirk Franklin because he was in the studio with Kanye West. Aren't we suppose to reach the world?! Aren't we suppose to go outside the four walls of the church and spread the gospel?! But then again people in the world are seeing everything that these "church people" are doing to their kind and has refused to come to church. So the church is now coming to them. Didn't Jesus come to heal the sick and save those who are lost? As I recall Jesus ate with sinners and thieves! And as I recalled it was the Pharisees', who condemned Jesus for doing those things. WOW! the church is just full of Pharisees' today. Yup that's exactly what they are.

Now the same people who condemn and past judgment on not only him but non public figures will be in church on Sunday, raising their hands and praising God as if they are any better. Then you have some church folk who will past judgment on people who don't want to come to church. Well, why do you think that's the cause. It's because no one wants to go to a place where they don't feel welcome to be received with the looks and whispers of those church people. I've seen it first hand at my own church and other churches I've gone to. I've seen women come into the church with regular street clothes on or a guy come into the church with sweatpants or whatever and people are looking and whispering to the person they are standing or sitting next to talking about how this person's clothes are too tight or how their clothes doesn't match. What if that is the only thing in their closet? What if that person is homeless and what they had on is the only thing have or what if that person was on the verge of committing suicide but at the last minute drive to the church instead? People are so quick to judge without knowing the whole story.

It is becoming so bad right now. No, there is no such thing as a perfect church or perfect people. Everyone is far from being perfect, including people in the church. So I say this in closing, don't let the people in the church push you away from the church. There are good church people in this world, I'm one of them and can sympathize with many. Don't allow those "holier than thou" condemning, judgmental church people push you away from hearing from God. They aren't worth it because they have skeletons in their closet like, alcoholism, lust, porn addicts, adultery, undercover homosexuals, and the list goes on. I know it's hard to ignore the stares and the voices. I get it too when I go to church sometimes, but simply put on a smile ( or a sly smirk), hold your head up and lift your hands and develop your relationship with God. And as for you condemning judgmental brass church folk, just shut your mouths because your day of judgment is coming.....REAL SOON...REAL TALK.

Friday, March 11, 2016

Whisper Out Loud: Men vs. Women: Dress Code

Whisper Out Loud: Men vs. Women: Dress Code: In the next couple of weeks I will be writing about Men vs. Women in different areas. In this post I am looking at the dress code between...

Men vs. Women: Dress Code


In the next couple of weeks I will be writing about Men vs. Women in different areas. In this post I am looking at the dress code between the two sexes and next week I will tap into Men vs. Women in the workplace. Which sex do you think is superior? Or Equal maybe?

And the battle begins.

We have been battling this issue since the beginning of time. The dress code between men vs. women. Some may not see the issue that other women see when it comes to dress code. There was a time when women had to cover their bodies and wear long dresses and skirts, and blouses buttoned up to the top of the neck. If the skirt went above the calf it was frowned upon and God forbid if a woman wore pants it was disgraceful. The men always wore dress pants and and played in shorts. And if the weather gets too hot, the men could take off their shirts and walk outside in their t-shirts. But times has changed for both men and women but women are pushing the envelope even further.


Today, women can wear shorts, t-shirts, tank tops and V-neck shirts that doesn't require a bra to be worn. Men can continue to wear the same dress pants, shorts but now have jeans, be it skinny or baggy, joggers, or sweatpants. Much hasn't changed for men. They can walk outside freely baring their naked chest with just shorts or sweatpants on. But a women aren't allowed to do so. Well, why exactly is that? Why can't a woman walk down the street with just pants on baring her chest freely? It's because the breasts are seen as sexual pleasures. But there are women who wear booty cut shorts to the mall, where you can see a hint of the curve of her butt. That's pushing the envelope too.

Because of this men want their women to dress modestly; sexy but classy. Some men don't want their women to cover up their entire bodies as if it was the 50's all over again but want them to leave some to the imagination. Growing up women were told and taught how to dress. Some mothers would tell their daughters that if they dress provocative then they are asking for trouble. But how does a woman ask for trouble? If a woman want to wear short shorts and a tank top in the summer, its her right. If a woman want to wear leggings that accentuate the curves in her legs with a low cut cowl neck sweater in the winter, its her right. She's not asking for trouble. Being comfortable is what some women go for.

Now, it's a stretch for a woman to walk down the street topless. It isn't decent for a woman to just casually walk down the street topless. But there are numerous states that allow women to walk down the street topless if they want to. And New York is one of them? (But are we really surprised by that.) And they can't get arrested because they are protected by the laws. But it will turn heads.
The green colored states are those where top freedom is in effect.
The orange colored ones have amibiguous state laws on the matter.
The red colored ones are the ones where the mere showing of the female breast in public is illegal according to state law.
http://gotopless.org/topless-laws

One interesting debate that I came across recently is women who are against their men wearing sweatpants and basketball shorts because they find it disrespectful. They don't want other women looking at their men's curve of the bulge. Just like what a woman wears, no matter what a man has on, women (married or not) are going to look toward the private area to see if they can get a glimpse of the bulge or curve. I wonder if the women who complain about their men revealing clothes, wear clothes that show a glimpse of their "curves" that was required for them to cover up decades ago by their counterparts? I'm quite sure they wear tank tops that hug their breasts or reveal a side boob, shorts that reveal their smooth, shaved legs, thighs and a cup butt. Or a dress that either hug their curves and reveal an ample amount of cleavage, even a hint or cleavage. Seemingly, this is one of the complaints women have concerning men's attire. There are others like sagging, or wearing jeans at the wrong occasion. But no matter how you cut it the men will always prevail in the dress code.

Women have a stronger sex appeal than men and catches the eyes of many. Women will continue to push the mark until they leave little to no imagination while going through their everyday life. Women have more more to cover up than a man. Sure he just have to be concerned about that "curve" if it bothers his woman but women still have to be more mindful of more than one body part. No matter how much women try to push the mark toward the goal in mind to be equal in the dress code with men, we will never make it. Our bodies are just too powerful for any man to handle which is why we have no other choice to lose this battle and to cover up those vital parts.

Friday, March 4, 2016

Whisper Out Loud: Generation of wimpy kids!

Whisper Out Loud: Generation of wimpy kids!: Gone are the days when our parents let us play outside all day and come inside when the street lights came on. The adult generations from th...

Generation of wimpy kids!



Gone are the days when our parents let us play outside all day and come inside when the street lights came on. The adult generations from the early 90's, 80's, 70's and 60's knew how to play hard, have fun and survive while playing hard and having fun. At the playground we had tons of fun and survived falling on the wood chipped ground. We brushed off our knees and elbows and kept running. We had fun sliding down the steel sliding board and survived from being burnt on the back of our legs because the sun heated the sliding board just enough to roast us. Some of us turned that fun time into a game. We would see who can take the heat by sliding down the oven baked slide. The champions mastered the way to go down the slide without getting burnt. We also had fun on the merry-go-round and learned how to survive by having someone spin it so fast and we had to hold on for dear life or risk being flung off by the force or if you stayed on you had to wait until the dizzy spell went away, That was fun. And there was the see-saws. Going up and down faster and faster with your friend on the opposite side but that friend would sometimes turn into a fast enemy when they decide to hop off when they were down causing you to crash to the ground. Then we would chase them toward the monkey bars. And we would swing and climb to the top. Once at the top, we would carefully stand up feeling like the champion of the playground. And then the survival of climbing back to the ground having a tight grip on the steel bars. Sometimes we slipped and sometimes we fell. But we had fun . And don't cry because we heard the chant of "Cry Baby, Cry, Cry Baby, Cry." The teasing was relentless but we developed a tough skin. In the mist of being teased by other friends or family we learned how to "hike" and participated in the hiking using the Yo, momma so fat......, Yo, momma so dumb...... or You're so short......". We would go back and forth with the other person putting them down and humiliating them in front of their friends as they would do the same with us.

We would walk to the candy stores. That was our corner store. And the candy store actually sold candy. We would load up on the junk food. We had the stash of 25 cents juices, 50 cents C&C sodas, 25 cents potato chips, cookies, ice cream that came with a small wooden spoon.

At home we watched real cartoons such as Looney Tunes. We enjoyed watching Elmer Fudge hunt rabbits and ducks, giving bombs as gifts and watched it explode in the person's face. Oh and when they were chasing each other toward the edge of a cliff, one cartoon character would stop at the very edge as the other cartoon character kept running only to realize that they are now standing on air, then they drop to the 50 feet to the ground below. That always happened with Coyote and the Roadrunner. That gave us such laughs. And we watched Scooby Doo solve the mysteries while Shaggy and Scooby always had the munchies. (You do realize that Shaggy was always high on the herb, right?)

Even school was fun. We had recess, we played games, we had gym and played dodge ball using a hard ball! And guess what everybody wasn't a winner. We had LOSERS!!!! We learned and understood that you will lose in life. And you will have people calling you a loser. And we actually was learning in the classroom. We learned things that made sense. We knew how to solve math problems using the basic operations that we need to use and still use in our adult life. We had enough homework to still be able to go outside and be a kid.

WHAT HAPPENED!

We, the strongest to survive generations of the early 90's, 80's, 70's and 60's made our kids too sensitive, bratty, spoiled and dumb to life. Everything that made us resilient has been taken away. The playground now have a foam like ground because the kids can fall and get hurt or the ground covered sticks can cut them or poke them in the eye. See there, we created softies! The steel sliding boards are gone and has been replaced with plastic because the kids can suffer burns. See there, we created Wimps! The merry-go-rounds, see saws and monkey bars are gone because too many kids were getting hurt. Either they got knocked in the head, experience back pains and the monkey bars injuries was too numerous. The candy stores are now dollar stores that aren't walking distance. And now the kids can't have the artificial coloring of this and that and Red Dye # 4's and 2's. We didn't care about that stuff nor did our parents but these kids have the most allergies and have gluten issues. WHAT THE HECK IS A GLUTEN!? Cheerios is now gluten free and they made such a big deal about it that they had to make a gluten free Cheerios commercial.  The cartoons were too violent for the kids. And School....! They give so much homework it would take the kids hours to complete. They don't have time for themselves!

We've turned our kids into overly sensitive robots like us. Kids today can't break a nail without them crying for mommy and daddy to rescue them. Now what I'm about to say......just take it or toss it out......we've been bullied and we've done the bullying as well. The laws tightened up on bullying in schools because the suicide rates had doubled due to bullying. Now I am against bullying. I do not condone it. I've been on both sides of the fence. When I was bullied, I sucked it up and told my parents. I ignored them, it worked for some. But there was a few who had to be put in their place. My son was in the 5th grade a couple of years ago, new school, new kid and it was his first time dealing with a bully situation. He told me what happened. Me and his stepdad would go to the school about once a week because of the bullying. It was always something that the kid said or did. Then one day, we told him how we handled the situations back in the day. Well, let's just say, he didn't have anymore issues with the boy. I'm not saying that kids should fight situations out but we knew how to handle most situations when it came about. Even if we had to get our big sister, brother or cousins involved.

Have you noticed that Game Stop took the place of Toys R Us? While we were outside getting dirty and playing with our new toys, our kids are glued to the new game system or cell phones. They would feel as if they would die if they go an hour without their phones. (Just like us) We have taught our kids how not to be a kid. We taught them how not to have fun. When I think of my childhood I think of fun. I asked a 7th grader what do they think of their childhood so far and they said, "It's Okay." IT'S OKAY! What happened to fun! What happened to taking our kids to Chunk E Cheese, skating, the zoo, county fairs, and parks on the weekend so they can go back to school on Monday to brag about their weekend. We need to let these kids live and allow them to be kids and enjoy their childhood. As a young girl and I'm sure my other fellow females can relate to this, back in the 80's and early 90's I played with my Barbie dolls, Cabbage Patch Kids, Strawberry Shortcake dolls that actually smelt like strawberries, Easy Bake Ovens and had sleepovers with pillow fights. Today, the girls are into hair, make-up, fashion and gaining the most followers on social media. The young boys back in the day was into He-Man, Thundercats, Nintendo, Power Rangers and stayed at the basketball courts determined to be the next Michael Jordan. Today the boys are mainly into PS4's and XBOXs. The problem is, that's all that their playing. They can't unplug.

Great minds developed in the 60's through early 90's because we used our imagination. We were outside having fun, being a kid, figuring out life. It's a sad time for these kids. The parks are empty, toy stores are becoming extinct, the ice cream trucks don't drive down the street 3 times a day or at it's usual 4:30 time, Chuck E Cheese's are disappearing, dolls and action figures are flying off the shelves. Two of the largest toy stores in New York closed months ago. FAO Schwarz closed on July 15th 2015 and the Toys R Us in Times Square closed on December 31st 2015. And in its place a Gap and Old Navy Flagship will open. There's that fashion.

Bottom line our kids have 3 years of being a baby, 10 years to enjoy being a kid from ages 4-13. Then they have 4 years being a teenager and to decide what they want to do in life, if college is or isn't for them. Then they have 40 years to be an adult and be a part of the real world before they retire. We need to let these kids live, and let them experience all the wonderful craziness we experienced that turned us into successful adults. Like us when we were younger, they have to learn how to earn and work for things and don't expect things to be given to them. They need to lose and know how it feels so they can be prepared to lose in life sometimes. No! They aren't winners all the time. We have to stop coddling these kids and let them experience LIFE. These kids are soft wimps...coming from adults like us that grabbed life by the throat and took charge. So here's the deal, let's place these kids in front of the TV, sitting on the floor with a bowl of sugar frosted cereal watching a DVD Looney Toons cartoon, take them to the park which is a "safety", then let them get sugared up with junk food, eat hot dogs and hamburgers form McDonalds or Burger King, and stay outside until the street lights come on. It's time for them to LIVE!

Friday, February 19, 2016

Whisper Out Loud: Uncovering the Truth about the Black Panther Party...

Whisper Out Loud: Uncovering the Truth about the Black Panther Party...: Sensitive topic. When this is mentioned people tend to cringe, roll their eyes, huff and puff and mumble "can we just move on from...

Uncovering the Truth about the Black Panther Party




Sensitive topic. When this is mentioned people tend to cringe, roll their eyes, huff and puff and mumble "can we just move on from this."

Some people think that Beyoncé's half time performance was offensive. People found it offensive because she and her dancers were dressed as members of the Black Panther Party (BPP). Many people think that the Black Panther Party was a violent black group who violently attacked police officers. So to have Beyoncé, one of the world's greatest performers, show homage to such a violent organization was degrading. Many people compared them to the Klu Klux Klan (KKK). Everyone shared their opinions. Some had the facts to back it up and some were just rambling off with the mouth not educated with the complete history about the BPP. Well, as you my old followers and new followers know, Delicious Talker will give you the facts. True delicious facts, the good bad and ugly.



The Black Panther Party (BPP) was founded in Oakland, CA in 1966 by Huey P. Newton and Bobby Seale. Why was the BPP formed? This group was formed because of the constant police brutality that was going on in Oakland. But it wasn't limited to Oakland. Police brutality was going on in other parts of California like Richmond, CA and America as a whole. Now the 2 founders Huey Newton and Bobby Seale were educated black men who studied and knew the civil rights of black people. Huey Newton attended Merritt College, San Francisco Law School and the University of California of Santa Cruz and earned a PhD in Social Philosophy. Huey studied the gun laws in California and educated himself about the right to bear arms according to the Constitution. Bobby Seale met Huey Newton in Merritt College when he studied engineering and politics. Okay, so with their educated background they knew that many police officers were violating the rights of black American citizens and the officers broke the laws at every chance they got. So, Huey Newton with the help of Bobby Seale formed the BPP. The BPP grew rapidly after they protested at the Statehouse concerning the Mulford Act (the right to bear arms). Understand that white people already had an underlining fear of black people, now to see black people armed with guns, they began to feel intimidated. The Black Panther Party (BPP) gained the public attention. After doing so they listed their 10 point program.



Huey and Bobby, as well as so many others, saw the little to no help in the black community from the government. So the BPP created Free Breakfast for Children Programs, community health clinics and other community programs. Below is a full list of programs the Black Panther Party supported and created for the people in the community. But I must add that the BPP DID NOT create the WIC program. This has been a rumor that has been circulating for years. The Black Panther Party was big supporters for the WIC program and helped many mothers sign up.

Home | Mission | Reflections | Photos | Bibliography | History | Curriculum

Black Panther Community Programs

Black Panther Party Community Programs
1966 - 1982

1. Alameda County Volunteer Bureau Work Site
2. Benefit Counseling
3. Black Student Alliance
4. Child Development Center
5. Consumer Education Classes
6. Community Facility Use
7. Community Health Classes
8. East Oakland CIL (Center for Independent Living) Branch
9. Community Pantry (Free Food Program)
10. Drug/Alcohol Abuse Awareness Program
11. Drama Classes
12. Disabled Persons Services/Transportation and Attendant
13. Drill Team
14. Employment Referral Service
15. Free Ambulance Program
16. Free Breakfast for Children Programs
17. Free Busing to Prisons Program
18. Free Clothing Program
19. Free Commissary for Prisoners Program
20. Free Dental Program
21. Free Employment Program
22. Free Food Program
23. Free Film Series
24. Free Furniture Program
25. Free Health Clinics
26. Free Housing Cooperative Program
27. Food Cooperative Program
28. Free Optometry Program
29. Community Forum
30. Free Pest Control Program
31. Free Plumbing and Maintenance Program
32. Free Shoe Program
33. GED Classes
34. Geriatric Health Center
35. GYN Clinic
36. Home SAFE Visits
37. Intercommunal Youth Institute (becomes OCS by 1975)
38. Junior and High School Tutorial Program
39. Legal Aid and Education
40. Legal Clinic/Workshops
41. Laney Experimental College Extension Site
42. Legal Referral Service(s)
43. Liberation Schools
44. Martial Arts Program
45. Nutrition Classes
46. Oakland Community Learning Center
47. Outreach Preventative Care
48. Program Development
49. Pediatric Clinic
50. police patrols
51. Seniors Against a Fearful Environment
52. SAFE Club
53. Sickle Cell Anemia Research Foundation
54. Son of Man Temple (becomes Community Forum by 1976)
55. Sports
56. Senior Switchboard
57. The Black Panther Newspaper
58. Teen Council
59. Teen Program
60. U.C. Berkeley Students Health Program
61. V.D. Preventative Screening & Counseling
62. Visiting Nurses Program
63. WIC (Women Infants, and Children) Program
64. Youth Diversion and Probation Site
65. Youth Training and Development

While doing good for the communities, they protected the communities from police brutality and harassment. Between 1966 and 1969 out of 661 police officers in the Oakland community, only 16 were black. This made the BPP "police the police". They would follow the police officers around making sure they didn't harass or assault black people in the community. Sure, officers would pull over and question the BPP members who were following them around but the Black Panthers knew they weren't breaking any laws. And would fight back vocalizing the law and their rights. The BPP were required to know and understand the country's laws (Constitution) and gun laws. They weren't breaking the laws by interfering with the officers' duties unless there was a threat at hand or if police officers were breaking the laws themselves.

By 1970 membership peaked. Many black people saw that the BPP were making changes in communities and protecting them for police officers. One event occurred at a high school in New York: Canarsie High School. I had the honor and privileged to speak to someone very close to me about his experience with the BPP. This person was in the draft of integrating Canarsie High School. Canarsie at the time was predominately white. Black kids would be tormented everyday by white men and women in the community. Some white men would come into the school hoping to catch a black student so they could beat him or her in the stairwell where other racist white men would wait to join in on the beating. The school officials, teaching staff, and City Hall did nothing to ease the racial tension. One day it got so bad, that there were hundreds of highly angry white racist men and women who waited outside the school, waiting for the school day to end so they could attack the black students. What happened next was a shock to everyone. Numerous of black cars rode up to the school. Exiting out of the cars were the BPP chapter in New York. Many white people ran scared while others stayed and continued to torment the black students and BPP. The BPP was fully equipped with MK 14s, other assault weapons and bullet strap vests. They lined up to the school creating a path for the black students to exit the school safely. Not one police officer showed up at the school but the school was closed for the next couple of days. City Hall finally intervened to come up with solutions to ease the racial tension at Canarsie High School and the community.

FBI's J. Edgar Hoover said that the BPP is "the greatest threat to the internal security of the country." The FBI at the time labeled them as a hate group but not the KKK. Mr. Hoover supervised a program called COINTELPRO which was aimed to discredit, criminalize and drain the resources from the BPP. The group he supervised was also accused of using violent and assassination tactics against BPP members, the community programs, participants in the programs, supporters, and BPP workers.
Because of the violent threats, endless talks that turned a deaf ear to not only City Hall, but the country, the BPP began to retaliate. The BPP was already labeled as a violent organization by the FBI, the media and the country as a whole. It is true that the BPP participated in a couple of police ambushes. This occurred during the fall of the BPP. Many of its members began to drift apart. There was a purge within the BPP because there were some members who wanted to work with police departments to create peace within the black communities and there were the others who refused to work with the police officers. Instead they set up ambushes and had shootouts with the officers. This is what many Americans think of when mentioning the BPP.

It wasn't known and shown on the nightly news or in the newspapers what the BPP was doing and trying to do for the black communities. All that was shown was the negative aspect that was already planted into the mind of Americans. Yes, Americans, because many other countries saw the positivity what the BPP was really doing but some of America didn't want to see it. But there were some white Americans who saw the brutality that was going on with the black people and knew what the BPP was trying to achieve.

Now here we are in 2016 still dealing with racism and police brutality. Police brutality has become rampant and the country continues to turn blind eyes and deaf ears to what is really going on. During Beyoncé's performance, many people jut saw her representing, or giving props, to the BPP. But taking a deeper look at the issue, what she and her dancers were wearing, and her new music video "Formation", she was bringing the issue of the police brutality that has been going on in the country on a major platform. The BPP fought against police brutality toward black people and Beyoncé was putting her stamp of approval.



Many people are now trying to associate Black Lives Matter Movement with the BPP. I can see how they would associate the two. You have 2 passionate groups fighting for the justice of black Americans citizens whose voice and strength has been taken away by police officers who doesn't deserve to have a badge. What's wrong, is wrong. All people deserve a fair trial. Yes, I get it! Blue Lives Matter, All Lives Matter but there has been an attack on black people by officers and the neighborhood watcher.

At the end of the day everybody has their own opinion. Everybody forms their own opinion but opinions should be covered with facts. There's no way everything can be written in a post, blog, articles, etc. concerning the Black Panther Party and other racial matters that has become a deadly disease in our country. But everybody can do their own research. So, I encourage you to research before forming your own biased opinions based upon nay-sayers, satire websites and unknowledgeable journalists.
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

Friday, February 5, 2016

Whisper Out Loud: Sex After Marriage OR Should I test drive it first...

Whisper Out Loud: Sex After Marriage OR Should I test drive it first...: "It seems like you're ready, Girl are you ready, To go all the way, All the way....", is the lyrics to R. Kelly's son...

Sex After Marriage OR Should I test drive it first?




"It seems like you're ready, Girl are you ready, To go all the way, All the way....", is the lyrics to R. Kelly's song "Seem Like You're Ready" on his 12 Play album. Sex before or after marriage has been the ongoing topic since our parents sat us down to have "THE TALK". During the sex talks, our parents would end with "wait until you get married to have sex." But as we got older, during our teenage years, our hormones began to kick in. Some held out and some gave in. The feeling of having sex, making love or a good hardcore pounding is strong and sometimes over powering. But lately, people have been tossing with the idea of waiting until marriage or becoming a born again virgin.

No matter what people tell you what to do, it will always be a difficult decision. Trust me, this is coming from a person that has and still is experiencing both sides. I grew up with my parents telling me to wait until I was married. I have a son, so waiting wasn't an option for me. I understand the saying "test drive it first." Before you get married, you want to make sure your spouse knows how to please you thoroughly and to ante up your sex ability too. The worst is, is to be married to someone who can't please you sexually. Yes, sex isn't the ONLY and MAIN thing in a successful marriage but it sure does help. Sex before marriage can also be healthy in a committed relationship. It can connect both partners not just on a physical level but emotional as well. A male friend told me that most of the time it can decrease a person's desire to cheat. But let's be honest, there are sex addicts in the world. That wouldn't stop them from satisfying their sexual needs. Sex before marriage can emotionally bond the individual by them caring for the others needs before their own. There are many times when sometimes you just want to be held and given the simple kiss on the forehead. Sex before marriage can be a whirlwind of romance and it can also be a tornado of destruction. It can leave you feeling empty and depressed because you've given your body to someone you've loved or liked and thought the feelings were mutal. In the end, some has ended up with 10 and more sex partners before they finally meet the one they marry. It's a trial and error. It's the test drive the car before I drive it off the showroom floor before deciding to drive it home for good.

In the line of sex before marriage, there are the in between people. I call these people "The Born Again Virgins." And I fit right into this category. I've been a born again virgin for 8 years now. It was by CHOICE.......sort of. You see, my boyfriend of 8 years is a virgin. And he is the one who believes in sex after marriage. He made it quite clear about his choice before we began dating. It's his religious and personal beliefs and his strength in God that made him stand firm in holding out until we are married. The question many people ask us is, is it easy to not have sex? And I have to be honest. HECK NO! And then SOMETIMES. Born again virgins have to live their sexual fantasies through their friends stories, movies, books and music. Trust me, music can take you to a place of no return or make you re-live those moments that you can't wait to experience those feelings again. It becomes frustrating to hear about the sex stories or sometimes be happy for married couples on Valentine's Day or any day because we just know they are going to have sex and we choose not to. Yes, CHOOSE because we CAN. A simple phone call to an ex or a friend can put an end to the drought. So, why the torture? Yup, torture because at times that's what it feels like? It's the respect that we have for ourselves and our partner who is also deciding to wait. I made the choice of being a born again virgin because I knew I found a great man and just like anything else, he is worth the wait. Some make the decision because they are tired of the empty-minded sex and heartbreaks that are in the end. No matter how you put it, Either way it's difficult.

Now sex after marriage is a beautiful thing. You have one spouse to entertain all over the house with, without no one shaking their fingers and heads at the both of you because the bed is undefiled. Many people who waited or is still waiting make their decision based on their biblical beliefs. The Scriptures makes many references about not having sex before marriage. There are about 15 verses in the Bible about sex before and after marriage. There are 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, Hebrews 13:4, Exodus 22:16, 1Corinthians 6:18-20 and the list goes on. Can it be the fear of God? Maybe.  But there are some virgins who are simply waiting to have sex after they get married because they want to go against the grain. They want to be different from everybody else who get caught up in having sex. As one 31 yr. old male virgin told me, "its a sense of freedom." He feels that sex is sacred and that anything that is sacred is valuable. And that having sex should be shared with that special one that is worth the wait after making a committed vow before God, family and friends ( the marriage ceremony). Well you can't argue with someone who holds their unbroken seal on a high spectrum.

I guess the question is how many times should we test drive the "ride" before settling down? That depends on the person. They can test drive as many times as they want. But what happens when they get married? What if they marry someone with lack of sexual encounters or a VIRGIN? The expection will be there in hoping that the spouse who doesn't have more to absolutely no sexual encounters, can please them in comparison to the others that have entered their soul. They now have failed expectations. A married couple I spoke to said that they had to show the other what they like, how they want to be touched and everything else. But no one wants to show a spouse how it should be done. During the Honeymoon, you want to make each other scream with passion, teaching isn't an option. A person who had sex before marriage, enters a marriage assuming their spouse knows what to do and how it should be "put down." You never expect to have to show someone how to please you. They should have learned through X-Rated videos. Assuming they have to fake the funk and just know what they're doing like J. Cole in his song "Wet Dreams."

So sex after marriage or test drive it first? It's up to that person. As an 8 year born again virgin, I can tell you that it isn't easy. Speaking for myself, I have my good days and I have my bad days. It feels good to not have the pressure to have sex on days when I just want to chill, and trust me those days are very few. I've learned to enjoy his company and be best friends and lovers. Sure. we kiss and make-out but when things get hot and heavy, we both ease back. It gets frustrating because there are times I just want to rip his clothes off. But the respect that I have for him out weighs everything. He loves holding me and embracing me while I'm standing up being occupied with the house chores. He tells me that it takes all of him not to give in. He admits that it isn't easy for him either. I know being in a relationship for 8 years is a whole other blog and story. But as we approach our wedding day, we learn how to be best friends first. When you can enjoy someone's company and have a great time and have great chemistry in the process, having sex is just the crème on the top.

So, in the meantime, I'm still waiting until our wedding day. We'll be waiting like the rest who are waiting for marriage. So, I say, if you choose to test drive that "ride" before you get married, be safe and weigh out YOUR OWN personal pros and cons. But if you choose to wait, hang in there. God knows it isn't easy. But we'll get through. Until then me and my boyfriend will begin to read the book called "The Wait" by DeVon Franklin and his wife Meagan Good who also decided to wait until marriage. Evenually our and your wait will be over too.

Friday, January 29, 2016

When reality shows become a reality

Let's face it, reality shows are addictive. It doesn't matter if you are into the family reality shows, competitive reality shows or what some people call ratchet TV, it can be addictive. Reality shows are television shows that allow the public to enter into the world of celebrities, wanna be celebrities, or even everyday normal people on a weekly basis. Reality TV all started with The Real World that aired on MTV in 1992 and ended in 2013. Every year millions of people tuned in to MTV to watch the 7 strangers that lived in various parts of the United States come together in a location that is picked by MTV to live together for a couple of months. It created that great TV and the new era of modern soap operas. The difference is soap operas are fake and scripted and reality TV are real and "somewhat scripted".



Reality TV is scripted to a point where the producers and others who are behind the scene set up certain things to occur. Sometimes they would call a person's ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend and have them suddenly appear at a location that the person will be. And from there a story is built using the hidden emotions that has been buried between the two former couple. But as of recently, many reality shows have gone off script and has entered into that person's real life. The people who are on screen admit in interviews that they refuse to allow certain things happen or fall for the "suddenly" moments. Which is why reality shows are now becoming a reality.

You hear and see these people going to jail, talking about unexpected pregnancies, affairs, brawls, and the list goes on. Thanks to certain sites and blogs, you are able to keep up with these people and know their every move as they film the shows. You would think that people would be smart and not appear stupid to those who watch their every move on television. One show that comes to mind is a show that I've grown to love since it first aired in March of 2011.....Love and Hip Hop of New York that comes on VH1 on Mondays at 8pm. There is a love triangle between a man name Peter Gunz, who was once a well known rapper in the mid to later 90's and two women name Tara and Amina.



To make a long story short, Peter was with Tara for years and they have 2 boys together but eventually secretly married Amina. He kept lying to both women and both women kept falling for the same lies. Eventually, Amina gets pregnant and Peter continues to run between the two women. After what it appears that the two women try to put aside their differences because their kids are now step brothers and sisters, the chaos began all over again. Tara thinking it will be a good idea to move into the same building but separate floors where Amina and Peter lives so their boys can see their dad move, turns into a constant affair with Peter. In the end, Tara gets pregnant again (but didn't know she was 18 weeks) and Amina gets pregnant but because of the constant drama and affairs between Peter and Tara she decides to have an abortion. But during an interview, Amina announced that she is pregnant again.



You would think this is scripted but it isn't. Many people find it interesting to see the drama unfold in from of them every Monday but sometimes forget that our realty show is their reality. It baffles many women to see other women caught in a love triangle and can't understand why anyone, male or female would stay with someone who treats them like last week's leftovers... as trash. As entertaining it is, reality shows are  realtiy. We followed Teresa Giudice go to jail because of taxes, watched her family feel the absence of their mother and wife and the great reunion when she was released from prison a year later. You can't write that into a script. You can't write planned and unplanned pregnancies into a script.

I don't know how long reality TV will last. How long will people want to put their personal lives on television for others like myself give opinions, criticize and make us appreciate the simple drama that we go through in our own reality? I don't know when that time will come but until then, we will continue to sit back with a bowl of popcorn and be entertained by their reality show reality.