tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19114245872500111792024-03-05T04:07:12.079-05:00Whisper Out LoudVocalizing issues and everyday situations that people think about and experienceEJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-63587702948910129342020-10-04T18:18:00.000-04:002020-10-04T18:18:26.747-04:00Time to Vote but Vote Your Truth<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal">Time to Vote but Vote <b><i><u><span style="color: #0070c0;">YOUR</span></u></i></b>
Truth<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2aXzuPAZDaFVV7g9gp8mq_eO2BzAXS3a2XrTBfa_TkiTmwfm8RYzYxyk1xb_S_6QDn2aTa69ASN_MLFekuVOTY5CYqy1Iy6GRMNHIafcPN6hnXBH5_-81TwUG3L6en3_Fh5WA984YuW8/s303/download+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="166" data-original-width="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2aXzuPAZDaFVV7g9gp8mq_eO2BzAXS3a2XrTBfa_TkiTmwfm8RYzYxyk1xb_S_6QDn2aTa69ASN_MLFekuVOTY5CYqy1Iy6GRMNHIafcPN6hnXBH5_-81TwUG3L6en3_Fh5WA984YuW8/s0/download+%25281%2529.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It's voting season. It's the time of year that millions of
people have been waiting for. Like 4 years ago, everyone was telling you to get
out and vote, trying to persuade you to a particular party, swamping you with
votes in the mail, phone calls and even Social Media platforms has become a
place of persuasion. Yes, it's the time to vote and yes, it's important to vote
and it is necessary to vote during this season. However, you should vote <b><i><u><span style="color: red;">YOUR</span></u></i></b> truth. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What does it mean to vote your truth?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Voting your truth is voting for the candidate that <b><i><u><span style="color: #0070c0;">YOU</span></u></i></b> feel is most qualified to be in
office with <b><i><u><span style="color: red;">YOUR</span></u></i></b> valid
reasons. Remember, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Just like your
opinion, other people opinions don’t really matter, (if you don't allow it).
Voting your truth is your time to make your voice heard in the voting polls.
And if you feel you've made the wrong choice a couple of years within the
politician's term, guess what, you're not the first who may feel like that.
There are so many people who feel they made a wrong choice, be it they voted
Republican or Democrat. Voting and picking sides is like playing Russian
Roulette. You don't know what may come out of it after the person is sworn into
office. The most important thing you can do is vote who <b><i><u><span style="color: #0070c0;">YOU</span></u></i></b> feel is best. Don't become
persuaded or beaten down by the voices of other voters. Listen to your own
voice. Stand up for what you believe in. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I have friends from both sides of the party, black and
white. My views, thoughts and feelings doesn't change about them and neither
has theirs concerning mine. How is that possible? It's called respect. We
respect each other's opinions and decisions when it comes down to voting. As
friends, we engage in mutual and civilize dialogue about the running
candidates. We listen and try to understand why the other person feel that
their candidate is best in office. Notice the words "<i>listen and try to
understand</i>". Yelling, raising your voice, and becoming disrespectful
will not get your voice and reasons heard. When you speak calmly, rationally,
and respectfully, there is a chance you and the other person can try to
understand each other's views. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Emotions are high right now, with the climate of racial
injustice that has been going on for hundreds of years, loss of jobs, loss of
loved ones due to Covid or other related illnesses, and remote learning for all
schools, etc. Because of all of this, no one is trying to hear what anybody has
to say. Just focus on what and who you feel is best. Block out the noise. Block
out the persuasions. Block them all out and vote <b><i><u><span style="color: red;">YOUR</span> </u></i></b>voice….<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><b><i><u><span style="color: #0070c0;">Vote</span><span style="color: red;"> Your </span><span style="color: #0070c0;">Truth</span></u></i></b>.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRX6OEBXNKx-HDWgDCJLeSL6WG9ksgt6oT3ytaJYGRuERdlOlkclDhfAA3lgpYmGmTcnXXV-Dj66UeUKl9f61OZOV4YqnhJO8J0lqVOjz5krWh4BLidyNnjPt2r6h6TG-cG4bl6Gjmdp4/s1000/VotingSpree_NikeLogo_SECONDIMAGE_1000x1000.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1000" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRX6OEBXNKx-HDWgDCJLeSL6WG9ksgt6oT3ytaJYGRuERdlOlkclDhfAA3lgpYmGmTcnXXV-Dj66UeUKl9f61OZOV4YqnhJO8J0lqVOjz5krWh4BLidyNnjPt2r6h6TG-cG4bl6Gjmdp4/w200-h200/VotingSpree_NikeLogo_SECONDIMAGE_1000x1000.png" width="200" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-82532825261720374882020-09-19T09:44:00.001-04:002020-09-19T09:44:54.470-04:00Whisper Out Loud: From Jersey to Carolina<a href="https://delicioustalker.blogspot.com/2020/09/from-jersey-to-carolina.html?spref=bl">Whisper Out Loud: From Jersey to Carolina</a>: On Monday, June 29, 2020, I left the state of New Jersey that I've called home since I was born 39 years ago. It was bittersweet to le...EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-15854006189442636052020-09-19T09:43:00.001-04:002020-09-20T09:45:10.379-04:00From Jersey to Carolina<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjctub4200bYQFfVNe72mModCYbLpGElrpVOTyF3eMSJCpP79aX_b-7LXf7avuUwdqNQINGUElSG5-DhyphenhyphenPJc6jyNLn0zx55KoB8xNgCs02tDfdUOssKiN86TToLAuPpP3pEcoxZmsQviu0/s599/AR-180229933-599x480.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="599" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjctub4200bYQFfVNe72mModCYbLpGElrpVOTyF3eMSJCpP79aX_b-7LXf7avuUwdqNQINGUElSG5-DhyphenhyphenPJc6jyNLn0zx55KoB8xNgCs02tDfdUOssKiN86TToLAuPpP3pEcoxZmsQviu0/w200-h160/AR-180229933-599x480.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">On Monday, June 29, 2020, I left the state of New Jersey
that I've called home since I was born 39 years ago. It was bittersweet to
leave the state that I've grown to love and hate all at the same time but had
the best and fondest memories. I moved to the state of North Carolina. It was a
shocking move to some family but a realistic move to my friends who know me
better than I know my own self at times. I would tell my family who lived in
NC, that I couldn't see myself moving there because it was too slow and
boring. I would tell my friends in Jersey how great of a time I've had in NC
vacationing and can see myself moving there after my son graduate high school.
I was always on the toss-up. But a decision that set the course of my move on
November 1, 2019 caused me to set my decision in stone after a year and a half
of praying and fasting, trying to decide if moving to NC is the best move for
me.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSPMD3LqKhMrB3-XrO8eyc7W6x4g-qhwIvgG-niXQnVtXRlyr2XZ1UKWvhI6VENa2sap-ytBH90csDInPGmOvyTHUxHbA4FR7EI_SskRwP29wA01vRjnr2qiLUYRXMuvzlA1hOaH78iVc/s800/usa-welcome-signs-north-carolina-3.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSPMD3LqKhMrB3-XrO8eyc7W6x4g-qhwIvgG-niXQnVtXRlyr2XZ1UKWvhI6VENa2sap-ytBH90csDInPGmOvyTHUxHbA4FR7EI_SskRwP29wA01vRjnr2qiLUYRXMuvzlA1hOaH78iVc/w200-h150/usa-welcome-signs-north-carolina-3.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">So, here I am. Living my life in the country of North
Carolina. A state where you have the country vibe and some places that give me
a little Jersey ambiance as well. A state where you see the Confederate flags
waving in the breeze and the state and college flags dancing in the wind vying
for attention as well. The food in NC sticks to your under layers of skin that
makes it even harder to work off because of the flavor that dances on every part of
your taste buds. The friendly gestures of some hospitable southerners who like
us Yankees, saying a warm hello or a giving a gentle wave and a smile to go
along with it as I walk or drive through my quiet neighborhood. The open carry
state where everyone can have a firearm and yours truly will be amongst the
open carriers next month. The state of North Carolina is covered with beautiful
trees, farmlands, rolling hills, tobacco and cotton fields, dirt roads, and
marshlands. It is relaxing. Carolina opens her arms for you to take a moment to
breathe in fresh air, slow down, and unwind from the chaos…. that is until…you
finally live here.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmK0v8MGSaejB_5Z7LS4mSAU7BmCy72sXea4P625BM6hV-lKkDXqOnAukbNVUUjJneuEApiuLGWHzmQ9LHLOtPPrzLXOQUpf5neRnjiksBt1-qufonBLtCaOHiX-RMfmpR5H93vQDOUOQ/s320/Fix-it-Black-Jesus-meme_Q320.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="320" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmK0v8MGSaejB_5Z7LS4mSAU7BmCy72sXea4P625BM6hV-lKkDXqOnAukbNVUUjJneuEApiuLGWHzmQ9LHLOtPPrzLXOQUpf5neRnjiksBt1-qufonBLtCaOHiX-RMfmpR5H93vQDOUOQ/w200-h200/Fix-it-Black-Jesus-meme_Q320.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">JESUS!!! take the traveling, the drivers, the food (no, wait
we'll keep the food), the people (at least those I've met) , the early nightlife, the dating scene, and cost of living in North Carolina because it isn't
cheap! Seriously! Take it all Lord!</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It takes me at least 25 minutes (45 minutes to almost an hour with
traffic) just to get to Raleigh. I live in the country but work in the city.
Yes, I've been asked why don't I just move to Raleigh. It's because of my
preference. I rather work in the city and live in the country. I've always said
that. Driving to and from work isn't an issue, but everything is a distance.
You must have a car in order to live here. Long gone are the NJ Transit buses
and the Path trains that will take you to your destination within minutes. Uber
only exist in Raleigh… now that’s bad. I can't even Uber to work if I wanted
to. And forget about UberEATS and Grub Hub, they only exist in Raleigh, Charlotte,
and maybe other larger "city-like" towns. They have outdoor events
because of Rona. I went to a Seafood Fest last weekend, in Raleigh. Notice the
word "Seafood". You would expect food trucks, food vendors, seafood
galore. Nope! It was a Seafood Fest without the seafood. Not one shrimp, crab,
lobster, clam or even fish in sight. They had vendors. Vendors that sold clothes,
jewelry, homemade soaps, body butters, and sages. We drove for almost 45
minutes to take part in the festivities, only to end up getting Chinese food
later. I'll take a train or ride the bus sitting next to loud mouths any day in
Jersey to get to where I'm going within minutes. Or take a quick drive within
10 minutes to get some delicious food in the upbeat heart of Rahway or Newark and
do some retail therapy at Garden State Plaza Mall or in NYC where the clothes don't
look worn or second handed.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwf18TcTOsndpwO2P6el0SLX2iZS8ms-_yhW9_8nkGIxxbZlO2Txo5WzbKUsNcttwMNJeaUq3x4ig3a2ryYY03uQdBZI8Y7J-83BlJUfbRX6WfP70OROYvzogsvoA12wjvthkecOVIsRM/s960/welcome-to-north-carolina-where-turn-signals-are-not-required.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwf18TcTOsndpwO2P6el0SLX2iZS8ms-_yhW9_8nkGIxxbZlO2Txo5WzbKUsNcttwMNJeaUq3x4ig3a2ryYY03uQdBZI8Y7J-83BlJUfbRX6WfP70OROYvzogsvoA12wjvthkecOVIsRM/w200-h150/welcome-to-north-carolina-where-turn-signals-are-not-required.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">The drivers here in NC can't drive at all. The speed limit
is 70 mph and you have drivers that speed in and out of traffic going at least
90 mph. I've been in 2 close calls since I've been here because of reckless
driving. I would take New York and Jersey drivers on the GSP and in the city
any day. You would think they give their license to just anybody here. Most
drivers have large pick up trucks or Yukons so I guess they feel they can
intimidate drivers on the road. My response to them, I lean back in my seat,
and let my car coast to a decrease speed with my hand at 12 on the wheel as I
lean with it. You're not going to intimidate me. Unless, it’s an 18- wheeler
truck driver that swerves or jump from one lane to another, going around cars
as if it were a regular size vehicle itself.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJEVXV06iMLHoVqgW0DkXJs-GQoTRHEe1nV7DaXtTx9ecTGGSqp0JSXFIC_Lm_HlD-SPv329s_jdCEGBasXrWM33G0epNp4yb2tYnYdafFdMJUEFsp9xXjs1bSsP9vb6qwDV93FhYQLyA/s1080/cast_image009_RGB_1080x1080.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJEVXV06iMLHoVqgW0DkXJs-GQoTRHEe1nV7DaXtTx9ecTGGSqp0JSXFIC_Lm_HlD-SPv329s_jdCEGBasXrWM33G0epNp4yb2tYnYdafFdMJUEFsp9xXjs1bSsP9vb6qwDV93FhYQLyA/w200-h200/cast_image009_RGB_1080x1080.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">Like I said, the food here is amazing and is quite
flavorful. It's better than Jersey's food. At least the quality is. But too
much of something isn't good for you. I had to learn how to balance myself when
I got adjusted here because the food will stick to your thighs and give you more
curves than you really would want. They have Vegan spots but they're all in…
you guessed right… Raleigh and Charlotte. Not unless you look hard at the menu
at some places, I'm sure you would find something Vegan out of all the chopped
bar-b-q and pulled pork.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6eIm57SieiO9ydM941n561qo8KFd9xEV72yXaye11foFKJpFXVs6RCDrdn-Uz2-HhFic9Vpx3RVi618SrHY5M3EBdcJo9uJSwTRMCZnt0DYuuy895MTj9f0zNTjUBUCTk_8fSMXR4t5g/s276/images.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="182" data-original-width="276" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6eIm57SieiO9ydM941n561qo8KFd9xEV72yXaye11foFKJpFXVs6RCDrdn-Uz2-HhFic9Vpx3RVi618SrHY5M3EBdcJo9uJSwTRMCZnt0DYuuy895MTj9f0zNTjUBUCTk_8fSMXR4t5g/w200-h132/images.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div>The people I've met
can go hand in hand with the dating scene. Being single in the south will cause
you to meet some interesting characters. Male characters who are still striving
to be a country rapper, not ambitious, or enjoy being in entanglements. I'm
still and will always be that full of life, ambitious, career-driven, intelligent, city girl and the striving rapper at
45 isn't appealing. As soon as they (the Southern men) or other southerners hear
that I'm from Jersey, I suddenly get questions about if I know this or that
person in the music industry, the sights and sounds of the city. They get
intrigued by the life in the North. But they feel life in the Tri State area
will be too much for them to handle. Which I can understand why because going
to the states that NEVER sleep from a state that night life shuts down at 11pm
in the country and 1 am in the "city-like" places can be quite
overwhelming.<p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yes, you read right. Places closes here at 11pm or 1 am in
the city. I'm interested in going to Salsa Night at a Cuban restaurant in
Raleigh next week and they close at 10:30pm. 10:30!!! That's when me and my
friends are getting ready to go out to a lounge or a bar/club. I've now adapted
to going to sleep now at 10pm because what else is there to do. Which is probably
why people have SOOO many kids here. What else is there to do for entertainment
but to have sex and eat. LOL. But you can still be protected and not procreate
so much. But to each its own.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc9PZkoaRIkMRDMx7_LF9MG9Pq0DT99VmNJw9b6pxg5P2bx7ZT9kjoFhZ-LI7FWQ9ej16147DEkshO6BaidDP2KcmVZyYJ-9rRI5TeLzlyLMcy3Wkz6l27HfKWeXmMUx7BEesdRQlUQYI/s265/download.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="190" data-original-width="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc9PZkoaRIkMRDMx7_LF9MG9Pq0DT99VmNJw9b6pxg5P2bx7ZT9kjoFhZ-LI7FWQ9ej16147DEkshO6BaidDP2KcmVZyYJ-9rRI5TeLzlyLMcy3Wkz6l27HfKWeXmMUx7BEesdRQlUQYI/s0/download.jpeg" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">Lastly, NC isn't cheap. The houses are cheap. You can
purchase a beautiful 5-bedroom home for $250,000 -$350,000. The property tax is
about $1,200 for the year. Beautiful right?! That is until you realize you also
must pay for property tax on your car. (I'm still scratching my head on that
one.) Sales on the food in the supermarkets… nope it’s the usual sale prices
that you would see in Shop Rite. I
haven't seen a sale yet. Car insurance is the same rate for me. Although, I'm making
a little more than what I was making in Jersey, not many people that I know
personally who has also moved here from the north can say the same. They said they moved
because their spouse had a job offer here which caused them to relocate as
well. To their surprise making $65,000 a year was decreased to making $45,000 a
year. Not cool at all.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg5TPXJiauxnoVDT2yb8VzMNQes9MzvzFzK_LV-nEbqG6pT3jYz-XY4s-Wrvu3mb8XQhnjvye00ylinr4H8RkB08rlZaubz4S4MZA1DU3vEZzXM5g9_vHUF82LdKy1Gim4GRk5hO8T8e4/s1920/Gods-Plan-web.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg5TPXJiauxnoVDT2yb8VzMNQes9MzvzFzK_LV-nEbqG6pT3jYz-XY4s-Wrvu3mb8XQhnjvye00ylinr4H8RkB08rlZaubz4S4MZA1DU3vEZzXM5g9_vHUF82LdKy1Gim4GRk5hO8T8e4/s320/Gods-Plan-web.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">But this is the life I've chosen. This is the path that God
has placed me on that I'm still trying to figure out. It's going to be an
interesting journey and adventure here in this new state of North Carolina.
Would I move back to Jersey? I wouldn't exempt that option because I don't know
what the future may hold for me. But if given the option to move back next week
would I take it, I wouldn't. Definitely to visit but, I'll stay right here.
Life isn't as bad. It's an adjustment. And in life we all go through
adjustments. Those adjustments are called growth. And growth is what we need to
move on to become a better person. Sure, NC has its quirks, but so does Jersey
and New York. I'll always be the Jersey girl with the quick non-filter
comebacks, savage looks, competitive drive, Christian-Jesus loving, God fearing
black woman from the South Side of the Kingdom, adjusting to this new growth.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It's never a good-bye to Jersey. Jersey has been my first
love and will always be my first love. Like your first of everything, it's
something that will always be a part of you. It's never a good-bye. It's more
of a “I Got You Jersey” and for my new life its …. “what's good Carolina?” <o:p></o:p></p>
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Just like so many people, the first thing I did when I got home was watch <i>When They See Us</i>, by Ava DuVernacy, when it dropped on Netflix. This mini series is about the injustice and abuse of the US Justice System during the Central Park 5 jogger case. The Central Park 5 case is about 5 innocent Harlem young men, Korey Wise, Kevin Richardson, Raymond Santana, Antron McCray, and Yusef Salaam, who were unjustly interrogated and falsely imprisoned for 5 -15 years in prison. The police officers and detectives coerced the young men into having them admit that they were guilty by promising them they would leave and go home. They aggressively interrogated the young men for nearly 24 hours without food, sleep, a lawyer, and their parents. The young men at the time were minors. The young men were between the ages of 14 and 16. Yusef was 15 years old at the time, but had shown a fake ID that stated he was 16. But when his mother arrived, the police stopped the interrogation, however, his forced admission was still used into the testimony. This was the same situation with the other 4 young men. The young men kept saying that they never saw the woman, never raped, assaulted, or robbed anyone, especially the woman the police officers and detectives said they did those things to. They pleaded and cried trying to tell them that they have the wrong person. Before the trial, the FBI even tested the DNA and found out that it did not match to any of the young men. But the 5 young men were still found guilty. All 5 young men spent between 6 -15 years in prison. But in 2002, a convicted serial rapist and murder, Matias Reyes, who was already serving a life sentence, confessed to raping the woman. The DNA also confirmed his confession, but Reyes wasn't prosecuted because the statute of limitations had passed. The 5 men were vacated on December 19, 2002. By this time, they had completed their prison sentences. This only cleared their name from the charges and were removed from New York State's sex offender registry. In 2003, Kevin, Raymond, and Antron sued the city for $250 million dollars for malicious prosecution, racial discrimination, and emotional distress. The city refused to settle the suit because they knew the men would win the case. However, current mayor, Mayor DeBlasio, gave a settlement in the case for about $40 million dollars. </div>
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This situation has been a common occurrence amongst the African American community. Mainly with false imprisonment with black men. Clifford Williams, 76, and Nathan Myers, 61, were wrongfully convicted and finally free after 43 years in prison. Ray Towler, 62, was also wrongfully convicted and was in prison for nearly 30 years and was just released. And Keith Bush who was arrested at 17 years old for being falsely imprisoned for strangling a 14 year old girl in New York. Mr. Bush said that the police beaten him and forced him to sign a confession that he never read. The DNA also did not match Mr. Bush's sample. <i>This sounds familiar, doesn't it?</i> After 44 years he was exonerated. There are thousands of innocent inmates with the same situations as the gentlemen I mentioned and the Central Park 5 young men. Most of the innocent inmates were arrested between 1619 (the beginning of slavery) to the present time here in the United States. African Americans did not and still do not have a proper trial. They are already guilty because of the color of their skin. There wasn't a fair trial, lies that were told were taken as truths, false DNAs was taken while the real DNAs were either thrown in the trash or never taken. Written confessions were forged or the innocent person being charged were threaten with his or her life to sign the unread confession. And sometimes if the confession was read, it was read with lies telling the innocent person that they could go home or that they wouldn't be charged. Whereas, the confession was the complete opposite. This is why white people during slavery time did not want black people to learn how to read and write. They knew we would become a threat and become smart, wiser than them. Their goal was to keep us suppressed. If the parents can't read or write, then they can't help their children, and the cycle continues. So during that time and unfortunately now, people of color doesn't understand what they are reading or some still don't know how to read which led to police officers and detectives lying to them about what is written in the confession. And for those who do know how to read, write and can fully comprehend what the confession says, are beaten and threaten to sign. And majority of those that are beaten and threaten to sign and give false confessions are minors. </div>
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This is unfortunate that this has happened and thousands of innocent lives are falsely imprisoned. Lives are shattered and sometimes aren't fully restored. Some innocent convictions are never given millions of dollars for damages and false imprisonment. Some are given maybe 10 or 50 thousand dollars when they are exonerated and sadly, some aren't given any funds. When I watched When They See Us, it was difficult, breath-taking painful and hurtful to watch. There were a couple of times I wanted to stop it and watch something else, but I thought about those young men, their parents, and hundreds of other families that had to suffer through the same ordeal. They couldn't pause or stop the situation and come back to it or dismiss it altogether. The raw emotions I felt had me thinking about my own son. When every parent should be concerned about their child getting accepted into college, having enough money for prom, their child driving their first car, etc., parents of color have to worry about their children experiencing tormenting racism that would get their child or children shot, killed or falsely imprisoned. A system that was written and created to protect every person in the United States that is arrested, does an injustice to people of color. The system that employed people to serve and protect came with a stipulation. Let's face it, the system doesn't work for black people and Latinos. Too many times we hear about the injustice that is being done in our community. Thanks to the Internet, everything is at the tip of our fingers. We are able to go back in time to research evidence that was thrown out or things that were covered only to be uncovered, by people, BLACK and WHITE, who are fed up with the injustice system. Unfortunately, hundreds and probably thousands of innocent people are either still locked up or died in prison. </div>
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Now that <i>When They See Us</i> aired, cases are being reopened and voices of the innocent behind the prison walls will finally be heard. Not all will be heard, but now When They See Us, maybe they will <b><i>SEE US!</i></b> </div>
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EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-60487461044941896432019-06-02T12:56:00.000-04:002019-06-02T16:43:22.018-04:00"It's My Body." said the woman.<b><i>"It's My Body." said the woman.</i></b><br />
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I'm going to just throw it out there. The government is controlling everything and now want to control what a woman can do with her body. This has been a huge controversial topic within the last couple of months because of the changes in the law in certain states. Before I dive into all of that, let's look at this closely. But, first let me just say that I am Pro-Choice, but will view the other side, Pro-Life. </div>
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Abortion has been a controversial topic throughout history on every level from religious views to the political arena. Laws has restricted and limited this practice. Contraceptives has been used to prevent pregnancies, but like most things, it isn't 100% preventative. The unpreventable pregnancies are the ones that are usually aborted <i>with the female's decision.</i> Why? Because <i><b>it's her body.</b></i> There are three countries in Latin America that banned abortion. They are Dominican Republic, El Salvador and Nicaragua, and there are two countries in Europe, which are Malta and Holy See (which is not Vatican City), that banned abortion entirely as well. But here in the United States, before Roe vs. Wade in 1973, abortion was already legal in several states with certain restrictions.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Abortion laws in the U.S. before </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Roe</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="legend-color" style="background-color: #ed1c24; border: 1px solid black; display: inline-block; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 1.5em; margin: 1px 0px; text-align: center; width: 1.5em;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> Illegal (30) </span><span class="legend-color" style="background-color: #6f3198; border: 1px solid black; display: inline-block; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 1.5em; margin: 1px 0px; text-align: center; width: 1.5em;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> Legal in case of rape (1) </span><span class="legend-color" style="background-color: #2f3699; border: 1px solid black; display: inline-block; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 1.5em; margin: 1px 0px; text-align: center; width: 1.5em;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> Legal in case of danger to woman's health (2) </span><span class="legend-color" style="background-color: #22b14c; border: 1px solid black; display: inline-block; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 1.5em; margin: 1px 0px; text-align: center; width: 1.5em;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> Legal in case of danger to woman's health, rape or incest, or likely damaged fetus (13) </span><span class="legend-color" style="background-color: #fff200; border: 1px solid black; display: inline-block; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 1.5em; margin: 1px 0px; text-align: center; width: 1.5em;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> Legal on request (4) </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;">By Lokal_Profil, CC BY-SA 2.5, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3179491</span></span></div>
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But here we are going back. The world before January 22, 1973 has reared its head here in 2019. Nine states had passed Bills to limit the procedure. Ohio, Utah, Montana, Kentucky, Arkansas, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, and the latest to join the ranks, Louisiana. Now Louisiana passed a Bill to ban abortion after a heartbeat is detected. This can challenge the constitutional woman's right in Roe vs. Wade. The crazy thing about this is that, I feel like this will not be the last state to take it to this extreme. I think there will be others that will follow suit.</div>
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Let's look at their Pro-Life reasons. </div>
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1. Their argument first goes to saying that it is an act of murder. It's killing a human life, an innocent human life. They say that once something has an heartbeat, there is life. Pro-Life advocates use the Scriptures to back up their argument as well. In the Ten Commandments that God gave to Moses to give to his people in Exodus 20:13, it says, "Thou shalt not murder." It was reminded to the people again in Deuteronomy 5:17.</div>
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2. If people are charged and imprisoned for committing murder, then it should hold the same weight for someone who has an abortion.</div>
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3. Instead of aborting the baby, place the baby up for adoption so families who can't have children and would like to adopt will be given the opportunity to become parents. </div>
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4. Having an abortion and/or multiple abortions can cause a health risk for women later in life when they want to have children. Their argument states that there can be risks of the woman having an ectopic pregnancy, miscarriages, and cancer.</div>
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5. Abortion can also cause depression and stress, which can lead to mental health issues. </div>
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6. Abortion uses taxpayers money.</div>
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I know there are more reasons as to why there are people who choose Pro-Life, but I just want to look at the main 6 that I keep hearing about. Many people are shocked that I am Pro-Choice because I am a Christian.</div>
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Well first, I can't put the heartbeat theory in the same category as "Thou shall not murder." Why? Because the fetus is attached to the placenta and the umbilical cord is attached to the mother. In order for the fetus to survive, it need its source. It can't survive outside the womb before the first trimester and it has a significant low chance of survival during the middle of the second trimester. </div>
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Second, Do you know how many children are still waiting to be adopted? Do you know the protocol of adopting a child and how much it cost to adopt a child? Do you know how picky people can be? They look at pictures of children who they want to adopt to see how they look, if they are disabled and if they are healthy. Because let's be honest, unfortunately, no one wants to have a child that has a disability. Adoption shouldn't be an alternative to abortion because it's the woman's choice because <i>it's her body.</i> </div>
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Most women who do have abortion, get the procedure done during the first trimester which is from week 1 to the end of 12 weeks. Most women do not find out that they are pregnant until they are about 10 weeks. <i>Because you know</i>, we have this thing that's called a menstrual cycle better known as a Period. And sometimes the cycle changes due to weight gain, weight loss, stress, an hormonal imbalance, and yes, even pregnancy. Sure, we can take a pregnancy test and get the results. Sometimes its accurate and sometimes it isn't. And guess what, we would still have to make a doctor's appointment to get the results confirmed, which could take about 2 days to a week to be seen. So, the ALL MEN SENATOR VOTERS that voted and wrote those bills and the other men who want to have a say about a woman's body, you have no idea what takes place in our body. You don't know what it feels like to be pregnant or even have a feeling or an inkling of the emotions we experience. And you know what... <b><u><i>YOU NEVER WILL. </i></u></b></div>
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Most women who get the procedure done use the money out of their own pocket to get the abortion. So complaining about the use of tax dollars needs to stop. Put your frustration into why the tax dollars are being used to build more prisons to incarcerate the men of color, African Americans and Latinos. Or, why tax dollars are being taken away from the US education system that is paying our teachers and highly effective paraprofessionals pennies. How about that? </div>
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Want to do population control? Control the semen that comes out of the man that causes the woman to become pregnant. Figure that out! Because where there is a <i>problem, </i>you should go directly to the source, <i>correct</i>? Well, who gets women pregnant...<i>men</i>. Try a condom..yeah, doesn't work all the time and some men are embarrassed to get the right size condom to even bother getting the correct ones. But I'm sure they wouldn't want to control men bodies. </div>
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The repercussions to banning and putting limits on abortion can be severe. Before Roe vs. Wade, do you know women would resort in going to undercover, non-certified, basements or hotel rooms to get the procedure done which caused more damage to their body, causing them not to have children in the future, scaring organs, or killing them during or after the process. Some women would be so desperate that they would attempt to do the abortion themselves by using objects, such as wire hangers, use of hard drugs, such as cocaine, or excessive drinking of alcohol or gasoline to enforce a miscarriage. </div>
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It's a woman's body. A woman should be the one to have the final say on what happens to her body and what needs to happen in her way. <i>No one else</i>. It's her choice. It's our choice. And no government, no man or woman on this planet should not have a say as to what I can and can't do with my body. Because "It's My Body."</div>
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EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-41452941231875614752019-04-22T15:59:00.000-04:002019-04-22T15:59:27.077-04:00Stage 6: Acceptance: New Beginnings<b>Stage 6: Acceptance... New Beginnings</b><br />
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<b>Stage 6: Acceptance... New Beginnings</b><br />
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This is the final stage. This stage brings us back to stability, where we are ready and actively involved with moving on to the next journey in our life. The person who lost a loved one is now putting their lives back together. Slowly packing away and giving away the clothes of their loved one, moving from the old place to a new place to start new memories, or rearranging each room in their home to bring forth the new change to their new reality. Each day becomes easier for them and the others who have lost their loved one. Each day their smile becomes wider and their giggles turns into laughter. </div>
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The terminally ill person probably has entered into acceptance knowing that death is inevitable. So they make preparations for their death, write or update their will, spend more them with their loved ones, as they prepare to leave this world. Both the terminally ill person and their loved ones will slowly enter the acceptance stage knowing that their heart is now ready for their love ones final goodbye.</div>
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Those who have lost their jobs will be actively looking for work or going back to school for a career change. They are ready for something new. They probably came to the realization that their old job wasn't satisfying them anyway and the lay off or them being fired was the push they needed to spread their wings. They know the frivolous spending and some household wants like cable, have to be cutback. Believe it or not, but some people go through these stages when they know they must cut the cord, IE: turn off the cable.</div>
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Those who have ended a relationship, has accepted the new life of singleness. As scary as it was, they realize that they not only accepted that the relationship is over but they accepted the new individual they have become. They begin to learn more about themselves and see faults that they need to work on. It's a possibility that, that break-up was needed for them to become a better person. No one can see it at the time, but there is growth and renewal through the pain. </div>
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Anytime there is a rebirth, there is pain. Anytime there is a push, there is discomfort. Anytime something needs to be fixed, there is a breaking. Just because acceptance has been reached, doesn't mean that the person feels great or right about what has happened or even with the decisions he or she had made. Most people will never feel okay about what they had to go through. Acceptance doesn't mean that you will forget everything and every feeling. You will always remember, but use what you've gone through as your testimony. Trust me someone will need it. </div>
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Acceptance will not have you go back into denial. You will learn each day that this is your new reality both- good and bad. You will always remember that loved one. And out of sight, doesn't mean out of mind. And if that person or your past comes to sight, take a deep breath and breathe. No one said it will be easy, no one said you will never see, speak or touch that person anything. But they will be seeing, touching and speaking to a new person, a better person, a whole person in the making.</div>
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Some signs that you're starting to heal emotionally are:</div>
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<li>You set boundaries and stick to them</li>
<li>You respect your body</li>
<li>You surround yourself with people who lift you up (Circle of Safety) (Accountability Partners)</li>
<li>You don't react as strongly to things that once bothered you</li>
<li>You remember that there are multiple sides to every situation</li>
<li>Your sleep schedule is back to normal</li>
<li>Your relationship and friendships are more fulfilling</li>
<li>You allow yourself to feel all the emotions. Even the bad ones.</li>
<li>You spend less time numbing yourself with substances and distractions</li>
<li>You are kind to yourself</li>
<li>You practice forgiveness</li>
<li>You dedicate a portion of your day to your growth</li>
<li>You remember that healing isn't easy and it requires a lot of work</li>
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Make no mistake about it, life has changed. Your role and responsibilities has been changed. New priorities has been formed, new or restored relationships will be formed or reformed.</div>
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In the beginning, you may have more good days than bad ones. As time goes on, after a year and some change has past, you may feel depressed at times. And it's okay. Feel it. Do not fight the feeling. Afterwards, get up and continue on. Don't fall back. Keep moving forward because you're <i>here</i>. You've come too far for you to give up and slack off. </div>
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Life continues. And life will be with you along the journey. Just keep pressing toward hope. </div>
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EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-19110178288565394642019-04-14T21:06:00.000-04:002019-04-15T05:48:56.065-04:00Stage 5: Depression...<b>Stage 5: Depression...</b><br />
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<b>Stage 5: Depression...</b><br />
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So many of us has been there. Millions of people have went through depression. Being depressed is feeling sad for a short period of time. But being in depression can last for weeks, months and even years. I think that the most powerful thing someone can admit to is being in depression. But usually the person won't admit it until they realize they need help. How do I know? I've gone through it. I'm going to be very transparent in this post because I know how it feels to go through depression. I remember, not wanting to do anything but stay in the bed, under the covers and just let life pass me by. I didn't care about anything or anyone except for my immediate family, ie: my son, parents and brother. My teenage son was the only reason I got up everyday to go work. I vaguely remember cooking dinner. Everything is blur. That's what happens when you are in depression. You don't remember anything. I wanted to be alone and left alone. </div>
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<i><u>Symptoms of Depression</u></i></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">Angry outbursts, irritability and frustration </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Feeling sad, empty, hopeless and always crying</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Tired, lack of energy</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Lack interest in normal activities</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Sleep disturbances, insomnia or sleeping too much</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Weight loss or weight gain</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Anxiety</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Slowly in thinking, moving, speaking</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Unexplained physical problems</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Thoughts of suicide</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Trouble thinking, making decisions and remembering things</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Feeling worthless or guilt</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Fixating on past failures or self-blame</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Antisocial</li>
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Like so many others, I've experience every single one of the symptoms except for 2: suicidal thoughts and unexplained physical problems. Now you may wonder how is that even possible. I've became a Functional Depressive Individual (FDI). There are people who are alcoholics and drug addicts, but are able to function through the day. They are able to go to work, get things done, go through their regular routine, but on the inside they are screaming and crying. That was me. It can be hard to spot the signs of someone who is a functional depressive. You couldn't even tell if the person was in depression. My coworkers didn't have a clue or even knew what was going on in my private life. When I shared what had happened to me and how I felt a year after what transpired, they were shocked and amazed at how I kept it together. Although we can get through the day, getting things done, doesn't mean it's easy. It's not! We have heard stories of people committing suicide that no one saw coming because the person appeared to be doing great. The person had great friends, family and a good work life. People become boggled when they find out that the person who committed suicide was dealing with depression and have been hiding things from everyone, including their spouse. Being a FDI isn't easy!!!!</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">It's absolutely draining to put on a fake smile. They don't feel like smiling and laughing, because they don't want people in their business. They don't want to talk about what they are feeling. They don't want to appear weak in front of anyone, except for themselves.</li>
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Understand that this isn't something I've made up, but Functional Depression is a real thing and it can have serious consequences if the person doesn't acknowledge and treat it. Antidepressants can help lift the mood. But just know that it will take weeks for the medication to work. If antidepressants is what you need, then I encourage you to take them. Just make it a short term thing because it can become addictive and you won't face your emotions head on. However, I would encourage you at this point to seek a therapist, especially if you are taking or are considering taking antidepressants. Eventually, you will have to face your issues. You will have to face the things, person or people that has you in depression. It's not easy and it will be hard, but it's all part of the healing process. This can be <i>your new beginning</i>.</div>
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There isn't a way to prevent depression. And even when you are over the issues, depression can still lurk it's ugly head. Here are some strategies I've came across that helped me.</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Take steps to control the stress.</b> Remember I said in the post about Anger, I took Kickboxing/ Boxing classes. Do something that will help you release your stress.</li>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Talk to your family and friends.</b> Remember I posted about have Accountability Partners and your circle of safety. This is where they will come in handy.</li>
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There is <i>absolutely nothing</i> wrong with you. It's okay and you will be okay. You will have your moments of depression but it won't last for long. You'll be depressed but not in depression. I still have my moments when I am depressed and just want to give up on hope and prayers, but I'm not in depression anymore. Depression no longer hold me captive and I know you will be released from your depression too. Something I tell myself almost every other day and I say it to people all the time... <i><b>Trust the process and stick with the journey</b></i>. </div>
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<b><i><u>Next week post: Acceptance... Your New Beginning is your new normal</u></i></b></div>
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EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-12332268502341484312019-04-08T21:31:00.002-04:002019-04-10T06:47:28.660-04:00Stage 4: Bargaining: Let's Make a Deal<b>Stage 4: Let's Make a Deal</b><br />
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<b>Stage 4: Bargaining: Let's Make a Deal</b><br />
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That's what this stage is all about.... Let's Make a Deal! That's what Bargaining is, making a deal. You are probably wondering how can you make a deal with someone after being angry. It's simple, we go through this stage to try to get what we want, even if the person passed away. The bargaining after a loss is to negotiate the pain away. But before we go through all of that, let's take a closer look at bargaining. We have always gone through life trying to bargain with people. I can remember, ( I'm sure you can too), at end of the marking period during my Junior year in high school, I knew I was going to fail a class. I went to my teacher and asked her how can I bring my D average to at least a C. At that point, I was desperate. I negotiated and pleaded with my teacher to give me extra credit and extra assignments. It worked and I passed the class with a high C. But what about those times when you tried to negotiate your way out or into a situation, such as, going to a friend's house party, extending your curfew, getting re-hired from the job that fired you, getting back with your boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. The list goes on. We've all have learned how to bargain in our life. For some, they've become experts. This is quite normal. </div>
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The bargaining stage is when you attempt to negotiate with God, a person, or something that you feel that has some control over the situation. You may make promises to God in return for the painful situation not to occur or for things to go back to the way it used to be. Speaking for myself, I sort God for healing and not for a negotiation. But those who are spiritual and have a relationship with God, must be careful not to make your healing part of your bargaining. It's very easy to fall into situation and in doing so, you can become extremely hurt and turn your back on God as well. Trust me, I've came close to doing so. </div>
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During this time you will find yourself extremely focused on what you and others involved in the situation could have done differently. You begin to bargain in your mind first and create stories and scenarios of how it could have been. Or what it would be like like if there was another chance. What if, you sent the proposal to the carrier on time, maybe the company wouldn't had missed the deal with the buyer. What if, you took your husband to the doctor's office instead of waiting for him to take himself, maybe the cancer would have been caught on time. Or what if, you left the house a couple of minutes earlier or later, you would have avoided that accident. </div>
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Bottom Line: Bargaining never finds a permanent solution. The bargaining stage will help the person accept the truth on and emotional and psychological level. Just listening to a person go through their "what ifs" will help them. This helps them face the reality and go into the next stage: Depression. When people are bargaining, don't offer them false hope. Never offer them something or tell them something that can't be fulfilled. Doing this you may push them into depression but it's a necessary move. </div>
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There isn't a set time for the bargaining stage to be over. No one knows how long it lasts. Each person is different. I went through the bargaining stage for about a week until I realize that my new normal is my temporary reality. Why temporary? Because as long as you are still living, you have another chance to get it right, become a better person, grow wiser, and love yourself more, you have a chance to make things a healthful permanent reality. Understand also, that you don't have to experience every single stage and in this order. I'm mentoring one person who is in the bargaining stage and the individual never went through the anger stage. You may skip the bargaining stage, the anger stage, etc and go directly to acceptance. There have been some people who hasn't experience depression. So what!! Their story is NOT your story.</div>
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You may find yourself or someone stuck in a stage. Yes, even the bargaining stage, they or <i>you</i> may feel yourself slipping further into sadness. That's what happens. The bargaining stage often includes those feelings of intense sadness and guilt which lead to depression. This is where I'm going to stop. Because this is going into the next stage Depression. But I want to tell you, if your feelings of grief at this point is turning into thoughts of suicide, inability to function at home and at work, or you're becoming a <i>functional depressed individual</i>, which I will explain next week, you MUST seek professional help ASAP. </div>
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Look for some NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, Programs in your area.</div>
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Or you can contact them at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org</div>
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<b><i><u>Next Week: Stage 5: Depression</u></i></b><br />
<br />EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-47199259158214348282019-03-31T20:30:00.001-04:002019-03-31T20:30:21.719-04:00Stage 3: Anger... You've Got Some Issues<b>Stage 3: Anger...You've Got Some Issues</b><br />
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<b>Stage 3: Anger...You've Got Some Issues</b><br />
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We've heard that so many times going up. "<i>You've got some issues</i>." Haven't we all got some issues. We've also heard this phrase many of times growing up, "<i>Why are you so mad?</i> OR.... <i>You stay mad?</i>" Well, why is that? Why do so many of us stay mad in certain issues? It's because we haven't moved pass that anger stage from that particular circumstance. We tend to brush things under the rug and never address those issues that we've become numb to. But once awaken and once we are forced to confront that issue, that person, or that place, we become enraged with anger. And rightfully so. Some are non-violent in their anger and then there are those who become violent to others and to themselves. </div>
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Anger is a stage that is very much necessary for the healing process to commence. Being angry at the situation, the person or even that particular place is normal. It may seem like the anger will never let up. One minute you're fine and then suddenly you are filled with anger. Something could have triggered it. Someone could have said something that had you remember the pain. Who knows? Anything can cause your anger to flare. The more you allow yourself to be angry, it will lessen over time and moving on will happen quickly and smoothly. </div>
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Underneath the anger is pain, it's <i><b>your</b></i> pain. It's your pain that is releasing itself. Usually the anger that we hold in and the reason why people always ask, "<i>Why you so mad and you stay mad,</i>" is so we don't have to feel that pain. Pain isn't a good feeling. It hurts. Excuse me for a moment and let me be transparent, <i><b>It hurts like hell</b></i>! But we live in a world that fears anger. Society tells us not to be angry and to just let it go. Well, how are we supposed to let it go if we can't be angry. What if you are angry and want to stay angry? Well then stay angry! Stay angry until you don't have anymore anger left in you from that situation. Stay angry until your anger has exhausted you. I know that's new and probably hasn't been said before. But it's needed. </div>
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If you've never seen this video. Please watch it. And if you want to scream it outside your window: SCREAM AWAY!</div>
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<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ZwMVMbmQBug/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZwMVMbmQBug?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
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I've came across 3 steps to help you through anger. It helped me.</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b><u>Recognize You're NOT Yourself. </u></b></li>
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During your anger, you realize that you have to come to terms with your <i>new normal</i>. You will realize that your old life no longer exist and that in order for you to move on, you must adjust to the new normal. It's an uneasy, nervous, scary feeling but one thing that I reminded myself is: there is nothing new under the sun. Everyone has dealt with death, a break-up, a divorce, a loss of a job, and list goes on. And those people who experienced that same thing that I and you have experienced or is experiencing, guess what... they are living, they are loving life, they got back into the dating scene and got married, they had kids, they got the job they applied for with better pay than the job that fired them, and so on.</div>
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2. <b><u>Express Your Anger.</u></b></div>
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It's okay to be angry. And it's okay to release and express your anger. But one thing I've always heard growing up was what the Scriptures said. In the Bible, it tells you to be angry but don't sin in your anger. (Ephesians 4:26) Jesus got angry in the Scriptures. He flipped over tables and threw people out of the church who were using the church as a marketplace. <i>(I know, that's a whole other topic.</i>) But our anger can be constructive or destructive. Now, if you're being destructive, then you get everything what is coming for you. <i>The Consequences. </i>Choose to be constructive with your anger, channel it to something that will help you. For me, I took up kickboxing and boxing. I remember one day, I was feeling anxiety and extremely angry. I threw on my leggings and a t-shirt, grabbed my boxing gloves and headed to the gym. Once inside, I began to warm up, still feeling the anger, 10 minutes into the class, the instructor told us to attack the bag. And boy did I attack the bag. I pictured a face and went crazy. I did uppercut and side jab combos. Tears were streaming down my face. It felt great! It was the release that I needed. I hurt my wrist in the process but it released that anger. If you can't get to the gym or isn't into working out, then give yourself some time to cool down. Go for a walk, take a nap, sit in silence, go get a massage, do something that makes you happy. </div>
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3. <b><u>Ask For Forgiveness.</u></b></div>
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I know you may be confused about this but asking for forgiveness will release you from anger too. This is hard, very hard. We must practice and exhibit grace. This is the only way to let go of anger. We must not only ask for forgiveness but we must accept their forgiveness. Even if they never come to apologize. You are the only one that can let go of your anger. You are the only one that can choose to continue to live in your anger and harbor unforgiveness. Understand that holding in anger and unforgiveness shortens your life. The stress will kill you. If the person died, go to their grave site or write a letter or look at their picture and say what you wanted to say. Tell them what you wanted them to hear. </div>
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Going through this stage is worth it. You will be a better person than you once were before. You may not want that right now and that's okay. In due time you will. When you do get there, know that you will experience some sort of anger from that situation in the future, but it will be different. The anger will be short and quick. And soon, it will be non-existent in the circumstance. Oh, and people who don't want others to be angry... I just want you to know that those who are going through it, absolutely hate when people tell them how they should feel and what they should do about it. How about NO! Everybody heals and express their angry differently. What works or have worked for you probably won't work for them. You don't need to create a robotic emotion within that person. Allow them to be angry. Most of the time, they aren't looking for solutions, they just want to be heard. So, close your mouth and listen. </div>
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My friends, you got this. The power on the inside of you is greater than any obstacles in your reality. </div>
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<b><i><u>Next week: Stage 4: Bargaining </u></i></b></div>
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EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-43130138671623999992019-03-25T22:21:00.001-04:002019-03-25T22:22:18.163-04:00Stage 2: Denial : Nope, that didn't happen.<b>Stage 2: Denial: Nope, that didn't happen.</b><br />
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<b>Stage 2: Denial: Nope, that didn't happen.</b><br />
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Ok, so you received the bad news. Your world was turned upside down with the devastating news of being laid off, fired, an abrupt break-up, loss of your love one or any kind of upsetting news. So, now it's the unbelief that, that actually happened. A part of your life wasn't destroyed by some kind of unforeseen force. <i>That didn't happen</i>. You're good. You're worth the fight, the wait, the promotion, the love, the one more chance to be with your loved one. We go into denial to avoid the personal problem and the reality. If a situation is too much for us to handle, then we simply refuse to experience it at all. For some of us, that can turn into procrastination. You can continue to put off the experience until you can't put it off any longer. You have no other choice but to face it. But you're not there yet. You're still in denial, like so many others.<br />
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Being in denial may reduce the anxiety for a short period of time, but it is not a great way to deal with the situation in the long term. Eventually, the reality of the abrupt situation will kick in and would have no other choice but to feel the upcoming blocked emotions. Not dealing with the situation and staying in denial can have a negative impact in the long run.<br />
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I see denial as a lie to oneself. We would lie to ourselves that causes us to stay in denial. That lie can become comfortable. Sometimes people will stay in denial and try to continue their life as if nothing has changed. For example, a loss of a spouse. I've heard stories of spouses, still getting out of bed the day after they hear the news of their husband or wife passing, making breakfast and dinner for two, setting out their belongings, the typical things they do for the other; thinking to themselves that their passed away spouse would appear or come walking through the door. Another example, is after an abrupt break-up, the person is still calling and texting the person the day after as if it the relationship still exists. They're not thinking about the fierce argument that took place the day prior. Here's another example, I had witnessed someone getting fired from their job, only to come back to work the next day, working as if he was never fired the day before. You can imagine everyone's confused expressions. Many of your family and friends, wouldn't say anything too abrupt at this time, but will ease you into the reality of the situation.<br />
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Denial can show up in many ways. When you are in denial you:<br />
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<li>Will not acknowledge the situation</li>
<li>Try not to face the facts of the problem</li>
<li>Downplay the possible consequences of the issue</li>
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Denial can stop us from taking on full responsibility for our choices and actions, causing us to blame others while we continue to make the same bad choices. We can point out the wrong in someone else, but fail to recognize that we are doing the same thing. That's denial. Placing the blame on others allows you to shift the responsibility for your actions to someone else.Understand that placing the blame on others doesn't fall with all kinds of unexpected devastation.<br />
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In some cases, short term denial can be a good thing. It can give you time to adjust to a painful situation or a very stressful issue. Being in denial can also help you prepare for the life change. For example, after the abrupt break- up, you might need a couple of days to process what happened and come to grips with the life altering changes that lie ahead of you. Or here's one that we all do. We may see something or experience something out of the norm in our body. So, we usually Google it, look it up on WebMd and then give ourselves the pep talk of, "<i>It's nothing. It'll go away.</i>" And then we ignore it. Only to see that the lump has gotten larger or the pain has spread further up our back or leg. But as we come to terms and come out of denial, we approach the situation either more rationally or become angry as reality has finally taken a hold of our mind.<br />
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I want you to know that it is okay to tell someone that you don't want to talk about the situation. I still say this to some of my situations. You might need time to still work through what happened or to new circumstances. But understand that being in denial is temporary. So how do you come out of denial?<br />
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<li>Be honest with yourself.</li>
<li>Realize the consequences of your procrastination.</li>
<li>Embrace your emotions. Don't suppress it.</li>
<li>Journaling</li>
<li>Go to your circle of safety or accountability partner(s)</li>
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If there isn't any kind of progress, then you are stuck in denial and need to seek professional help. They would be able to help you either cope with the situation or help you move into reality.<br />
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Bottom line: You have to want to enter reality.<br />
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<b><i><u>Next week: Stage 3 Anger</u></i></b>EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-64020428125535082472019-03-18T21:09:00.001-04:002019-03-18T21:09:16.453-04:00Stage 1: Shock to the System<b><u>Stage 1: Shock to the System</u></b><br />
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<b><u>Stage 1: Shock to the System</u></b><br />
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It starts with the <i>WTH</i> moment. For the older crowd, <i>WTH</i> stands for 'What The Heck' and I use the word 'heck' lightly. For the younger generation, it's the <i>WTF</i> moment. It's that <i><b>suddenly</b></i> in life, where if everything would to go wrong all at once, it would be that sudden event that just happened. That suddenly event that caused your world to stop. That shocking moment that just made all of your problems and trivial issues, appear non-existent.<br />
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When you're shocked, you can't breathe. Your body and mind is numb for that moment in time. All of your senses become null and void. You lose the <i>vision</i> of where you are because your mind isn't focused on your surrounding environment. Why do you think when people call you with bad news the first thing they ask you is, "Where are you?" It's because of your safety. Whatever they have to tell you, they don't want you to become distracted from your surroundings and put yourself and others in danger. Your <i>hearing</i> diminishes. After hearing what shocked your system, you're not listening to anything else they are saying. You are focused on the sudden event that was just said or done to you. Why do you think we ask them to repeat what they said. It's because you weren't focused on what was told to you afterwards. For example, I can't recall anything else after my mom told me that the doctor said she had breast cancer. I heard her talking but I wasn't listening to her. Maybe you was extremely hungry before you was called into the office at work and after hearing that you was being fired or laid off, the taste of hungry left. Shock became the food your body fed on.<br />
Or upon hearing some shocking news, maybe you were surrounded by family and friends. And those who came to touch your shoulders or offer you a hug, you didn't feel their compassion. Your body went stiff. Your body went to numb to any sensation that was trying to soothe your pending emotion.<br />
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There are trigger reasons that causes us to go into shock. Some are:<br />
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<ul>
<li>A sudden break-up in a relationship or engagement</li>
<li>An unexpected divorce</li>
<li>Sudden loss of a loved one</li>
<li>Loss of a job (no income)</li>
<li>Sexual Assault</li>
<li>Diagnosis of a life-threatening, curable or incurable condition</li>
<li>Humiliating experience</li>
</ul>
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We experience the shock first because it's part of our body's response: the Fight, Flight, or Freeze response. Our mind is preparing us for sometimes a fast, thoughtless action, or trying to make sense of the news that was just told to us. Or sometimes the news is so shocking, our brain will cause our body to shut down, where we would pass out. Our body can take only so much pain and emotional overload. Since it's hard to think clearly when you are in shock, you should give yourself a chance to calm down, take deep breaths, remove yourself from the situation or person before reacting, unless you have to make a quick response. Some people go directly to Stage 3 which is Anger. I know I have. That usually happens when you experience a sudden break-up, loss or a job or a loss of a love one. That is quite natural. This is the body's Fight response. </div>
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But after receiving the sudden news, it would take a couple of hours before your senses begin to kick back in. You don't have to do anything. Just allow yourself to experience each emotion naturally, one stage at a time. You may have heard the term <b>Acute Stress Reaction</b> (ASR). It's also known as acute stress disorder, psychological shock, mental shock or just shock. I'm mentioning this because during this stage we can fall into 5 general categories:<br />
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<ol>
<li>Intrusion: involuntary distressing memories of the trauma or recurrent dreams</li>
<li>Negative Mood: persistent inability to experience positive emotions</li>
<li>Dissociation: seeing oneself from an outsider's perspective or being in a daze</li>
<li>Avoidance: avoidance of memories, thoughts, feelings, people, or places associated with the trauma</li>
<li>Arousal: having a hard time falling asleep or staying asleep, irritable behavior or having a hard time concentrating </li>
</ol>
These symptoms can last from days to months and if it goes ignored, you can possibly develop <b>Post Traumatic Stress Disorder</b>, also known as PTSD. It is so easy to fall into anyone, if not all, of these categories. I know from a personal experience, after a traumatic life changing event that took place, I've experienced all 5 but months after the event, intrusion and especially avoidance began to take root while I was making my way through the stages of anger and depression. So, <i>no</i>, you are not alone. Like myself and every other person, there isn't anything wrong with what you are feeling or may have felt.<br />
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At this stage (SHOCK), it's early to seek a therapist. It's best to see how things play out for you. However, talking to a mentor, a person that have insight and have experienced what you are feeling would be helpful and make the stages go a little smoother. One thing I can tell you is that you are not the first person that has experienced a traumatic experience. There is nothing new under the sun. Everyone has had their heart broken into a unfixable pieces, loss a job, loss a close love one, even their own child, contacted diseases, and hundreds of other horrible experiences. Everyone had experienced it differently. Some choose to face it and deal with it and some ignore it hoping it will go away and to never feel it again. Only to have it smack them in their face years later, which is now causing issues within their relationships, marriage, job, health, or develop paranoia.<br />
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You may run. You may give in to the Flight response, but you can't hide.<br />
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<b><i><u>Next week: Stage 2: Denial</u></i></b></div>
EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-75737287161454507312019-03-10T18:22:00.005-04:002019-03-10T18:22:52.371-04:00Mental Spring Cleaning <br />
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<b>MENTAL SPRING CLEANING</b></div>
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<b>MENTAL SPRING CLEANING</b><br />
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I was going to take a break and go into another direction with this post but I realized how many people were hurting and are still healing from life circumstances. I didn't know how many people were in tuned with my past recent posts and realizations that they are coming to concerning themselves, their families, and friends. Many have asked me in emails, where do they go from here? What happens next after they find a therapist? How long does the process takes?<br />
For some, the situations are fresh and for others it's been years and are now learning how to forgive. First, let me say this again, I am NOT an expert, YET. That is one of my goals that I am working toward, MA in Counseling in Mental Health. However, life experiences and my professional development has allowed me to 1.) LISTEN, 2.) LISTEN 3.) LISTEN some more 4.) UNDERSTAND and 5.) HELP those who need a mentor during this time, married couples and singles.<br />
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With that being said, I am going to go through certain stages each week. By the third week in May, we will be ready for some summertime fun!!! The season of spring is among us. Spring is renewal. And a lot people do their spring cleaning. They throw out the old to replace it with the new or leave the empty space, empty. I am obsessed with seasonal cleaning. I never wait for springtime. I toss out the clutter at the beginning of each season. Sometimes, we get so caught up with cleaning out of closets, throwing away old clothes, replacing our old clothes with new clothes and detoxing our bodies, we tend to forget about cleaning our minds and allowing ourselves to feel the emotions that life has thrown our way.<br />
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While I was taking psych class in human development, I've came across the 5 stages of grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross. After leisurely reading articles and 2 of her books about the stages outside of class, I realized that the stages doesn't only apply to grief by death, but it can also be linked to all of life circumstances that has caused us tremendous grief. One stage which was recently added that I am adding in to the stages here is <i>Shock</i>. The 6 stages of grief that we will explore are:<br />
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<ol>
<li>Shock</li>
<li>Denial</li>
<li>Anger</li>
<li>Bargaining</li>
<li>Depression</li>
<li>Acceptance</li>
</ol>
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So, yes for the next 6 weeks we will be looking at each stage carefully. It will be hard for some and some may have an "<i>ah-ha"</i> moment. Whatever moment you may experience this is your spring cleaning. I encourage you to stay with me during this journey. It will be worth it in the end. How long will this process last is up to you. What I always tell myself and others, is to trust the process and find out what the journey is teaching you. Don't worry about the later, look at the now. Look at this very moment, this very second. Feel it and accept it. That's where the healing begins. </div>
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So, let's do this thing called life. Let's knock it out, spring clean out our emotions so when the summer comes, you can fully enjoy it! Who wants to spend their summer sulking and emotional, when you can be out enjoying the weather, going to the beach, Broadway shows, riding in an 18 wheeler up and down the East Coast (that's going to be me for an entire week in the summer. I will be posting about that experience.), hanging out with old and new friends. This year, this summer, all of those stages will be left behind and you will be ready to live the best life. BUT you have to put in the work. You can choose not to get help and sweep it aside but no matter where you go and what you do, you're going to have to face it. So either deal with it now or let it consume you later. </div>
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For those who do not have my email and have questions or comments that you don't want to post here or you need me as a mentor you can contact me at ejebron1@gmail.com.</div>
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<i><b>You have more power on the inside of you than you know. </b></i></div>
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EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-80150532321258124522019-03-04T12:45:00.004-05:002019-03-04T12:45:37.374-05:00Accountability Partners: Circle of Safety <br />
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<b>Accountability Partners: Circle of Safety</b><br />
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If you were to look at all of your friends and followers on all of your social networks, could you really count on them? How many of those people do you talk to everyday, <i>fine,</i> DMs count. Not all of them right? Ok, lets narrower this down even more. How many of those people in your DMs or on all of your social networks do you have in your phone contacts? Now let's look a little deeper, how many of those people in your phone contact do you talk to almost everyday? Your list got smaller, I know it did. Now, the people that you talk to almost everyday, do you hang out with them a couple of times a month or a week? Those that you hang out with and you have your girl talks or just hanging out with the boys, you realize that they are your friends. Your real friends that you can call, talk, text hang out with. Now which of your friends can you consider having as accountability partners? </div>
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<b>What are accountability partners?</b><br />
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Before defining an accountability partner, you must first understand that the word accountability means to be responsible and liable for <i>your own</i> actions. An accountability partner is someone who helps another person keep a commitment. I got to tell you, I need accountability partners for some things in my life, such as staying on my workout regime, giving up coffee for Lent (I am a coffee addict), productivity in my career, or not giving into some urges that I would regret later. For me I have a 8 friends, 5 of them are my close friends, and out of those 5, three of them are my accountability partners. (I also have 2 people from my church as an accountability mentors for my Spiritual and mental growth, which is a total of 5 for me.) It's good to have between one to three accountability partners. I'll explain why as we go further along. </div>
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Your accountability partners should be someone who takes time to listen to you and give you wise information for your next step or your present situation or crises. You don't have to talk to them everyday about your situation but whenever you need some advice, motivation or encouragement, they are the ones you should be able to reach out to. Whoever you talk to, you must be able to trust them. You shouldn't have to worry about your situation being discussed when everybody go out, or them making small talk with one of their friends. You have to establish your <b>circle of trust</b>. </div>
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Having an accountability partner is also letting go of your pride and telling them that you need them. Pride will hold you back from becoming the person that you are designed to be. Pride will have you stay closed in and attempt to handle and solve things on your own, with your own power. I've done that before and trust me, it doesn't work. I've tried to figure situations out and solve them on my own only to get hurt and mess up in the end. This is why having one to three accountability partners is needed. You will get different views and perspectives in your situation. Everything shouldn't be one sided. Getting different views can help you form your own conclusions and strengthen areas that you are struggling in. </div>
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Your accountability partners can also help you meet not only personal goals but professional goals. I have 1 accountability partner and 1 friend that helps me concerning my professional development. One thing you must know is, you DO NOT WANT TO BE THE SMARTEST ONE IN YOUR CIRCLE. You should be able to learn from your friends and the circle of safety. You want to grow professionally, then you need to surround yourself with professional goal oriented people who actually achieved or is working on their goals. Having an accountability partner for your professional development should be a must but each one is different. Maybe that's not what you're focusing on right now. Maybe you are doing well in your business (You can always do better, can't we all). Maybe you are struggling in your relationship or marriage. If so, link up with those who are married in different stages. Have married accountability partners who are in the honeymoon stage, 5, 10, or 40 years married. They can help you in your marriage and relationship. Choose one of them to hold you and your spouse or significant other accountable. And let me say, don't count the single people out married couples. Just because people are single doesn't mean they can't give you advice about your marriage. And if you want to get Biblical... the Apostle Paul who wrote most of the New Testament was single and had a lot of advice and a lot to say about married life. </div>
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You need accountability partners in your life. You need people with you when you go through the good and the bad. No matter who you choose, you have a right to be choosy. You have the right to be picky. No one needs to know who is in your circle of safety. This is about you and your growth. But remember that they will only hold <b>YOU</b> accountable. You are responsible and liable for your own actions.</div>
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<br />EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-53011188478435330662019-02-25T22:27:00.001-05:002019-02-25T22:27:19.780-05:00Whisper Out Loud: Who Do I Turn To?<a href="https://delicioustalker.blogspot.com/2019/02/who-do-i-turn-to.html?spref=bl">Whisper Out Loud: Who Do I Turn To?</a>: Who Do I Turn To? Professional Listeners..... OK, now what? In last week's post I wrote about Unmasking Mental Health. I've...EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-56981236535931078632019-02-25T22:25:00.000-05:002019-02-26T11:19:12.425-05:00Who Do I Turn To?<br />
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<b><i>Who Do I Turn To? Professional Listeners.....</i></b><br />
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OK, now what?<br />
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In last week's post I wrote about Unmasking Mental Health. I've had many questions and emails about what should they do now? Who do they talk to? Many were confused as to where to go for help. There are so many titles today, that it can become quite confusing. One young lady told me that she recently heard about having a Life Coach. She said that, that added to her confusion. I can completely understand the confusion. A Life Coach helps those who are transitions in their careers or other areas in their professional life. I took the time to search the Internet to find the difference between the most common professional listeners. There are comparisons between two or the most three professionals. In this post , you will find who are the main ones, what they do, the differences and similarities between each professional listeners.<br />
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The List of Professional Listeners that will be explained are:<br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="color: red;"><b>Licensed Mental Health Counselors</b></span></li>
<li><span style="color: red;"><b>Therapists</b></span></li>
<li><span style="color: red;"><b>Psychologists</b></span></li>
<li><span style="color: red;"><b>Psychiatrist</b></span></li>
</ul>
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<b>Licensed Mental Health Counselor:</b><br />
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A counselor is a person who is professionally trained to give guidance on personal, social, or psychological problems. Professional counselors help their clients point out goals and solutions to issues that are causing emotional stress. They also help enhance communication and coping skills, raise self-esteem and promote positive behavior change that can help their client's mental health. Counselors would end their counseling with their client when their client's problems either become managed or solved. There are different types of Counselors that can help with particular issues a person may have. There are:<br />
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<li>Individual Counseling: A personalize session with a counselor that can help the person deal with personal issues such as anxiety, depression, substance abuse, relationship and marital issues, etc.</li>
<li>Couples Counseling: This session is for couples who are married, engaged or just in a relationship. This type of counseling can help re-establish goals, intimacies and realistic expectations within the relationships. </li>
<li>Family Counseling: This counseling session deals with sudden life changes or negative lifestyles of a family member that impacts the family on a deeper level. Most times counselors speak to the family as a whole. They address concerns around parenting, sibling conflict, divorce, death, etc.</li>
<li>Group Counseling: This session is where you are in a group of 8 to 10 people that have the same issues that you are dealing with, like anger, depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, physical abuse, ect. These groups are lead by one or two lead counselors.</li>
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(The difference types of counselors listed above are also grouped in with therapists.)<br />
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<b>Therapists: </b></div>
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A therapists or you may have heard the term psychotherapist, is a licensed mental health professional that helps clients make improvements in their lives, develop better emotional, communication and cognitive skills, reduce some symptoms of mental illness and learn how to cope with some challenges. Therapists will help their clients cope through crises such as break-ups, abuse, suicidal thoughts, grief, trauma, etc. Overall, therapists are there to help improve your mental health.<br />
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Psychologists:</b><br />
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Most psychologists has a Masters Degree or Doctoral Degree in psychology which studies the behavior of the mind and behaviors. Licensed psychologists are qualified to do counseling and psychotherapy, which perform psychological testing and provide treatment for mental disorders. A psychologist can't write prescriptions because they are not medical doctors. Psychologists usually counsel those who have mental illnesses.<br />
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<b>Psychiatrist:</b><br />
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Now Psychiatrists are medical doctors that specializes and are experts in mental health. They diagnose and treat people with mental illness. They have a deep understanding of physical and mental health and how both can affect the other. Psychiatrists help people with mental issues such as schizophrenia, depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders and addictions. But psychiatrists isn't just for those with mental issues, they don't box themselves into one area. They also dwell in the psychologists arena too. Some people can see a psychiatrist concerning major life changes, major depression and anxiety, especially those who have anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, obsessive thoughts, violent or emotional outbursts etc. A Psychiatrist can prescribe medication.<br />
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This is just a few things that each Professional Listeners do. All of them and those that I didn't list can help you in your mental state. The first step is saying that <b>you need help</b>. The next step is finding the help you need. Research and find a therapist within your area that you can talk to. Understand that you may need to sit with them for a couple of sessions before you become fully comfortable. That's the key. You want to sit down and talk to someone that you are comfortable with and know that whatever is discussed during your session with your therapist is between the both of you, unless you are a threat to society or yourself and if YOU tell people what is discussed between you and your therapist.<br />
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<b>Find your therapist</b>. <b>Find the help that you need</b>. <b>That is where the healing process can begin</b>. It won't happen overnight. Seeing your therapist can be for short or long term. It all depends on your progress. But go as long as it will take. Remember you have YEARS of baggage that have to be unearthed and pulled from the root. <b>It will not feel good</b>. It will be painful at times but its a process that you have to journey through to embrace the new you, the new way of thinking, the whole you that you are finally piecing back together.<br />
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<b>Next week's post: Accountability Partners</b><br />
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EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-33283846130247998022019-02-18T12:10:00.001-05:002019-02-18T12:10:14.769-05:00Whisper Out Loud: Unmask your Mental State<a href="https://delicioustalker.blogspot.com/2019/02/unmask-your-mental-state.html?spref=bl">Whisper Out Loud: Unmask your Mental State</a>: All last year in 2018 we've heard about many people, mainly celebrities, coming out ta...EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-36398052219652849332019-02-18T12:03:00.000-05:002019-02-18T12:05:35.703-05:00Unmask your Mental State <br />
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All last year in 2018 we've heard about many people, mainly celebrities, coming out talking about mental health issues that they are dealing with. Catherine Zeta Jones deals with bipolar II disorder, Carrie Fisher also dealt with bipolar, Kanye West suffers from bipolar as well, which he calls it his "<i>superpower</i>" and even the beautiful and talented Kerry Washington said she experiences bouts of depression and having an eating disorder. And I'm quite sure your favorite celebrity is dealing with some sort of depression too.<br />
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Mental health issues has always been around. It's been around since the fall of man (Adam and Eve for the Biblical correct readers) or the sudden revolution of the universe ( for the theorists reader). No matter what your beliefs are mental disorders has been here from day 1. The problem is, is that it has always been swept under the rug. No one wanted to deal with it. No one wanted to talk about it. And me being a Black American woman, that was an issue that my people of color didn't deal with and still doesn't to this day. It was known as a white person's problem. They were seen going to a therapist to talk about their problems. Whenever a black person would experience some sort of mental issue it was ignored, prayed upon with the laying of the hands, speaking in tongues, or just labeling that person as crazy and go about their way.<br />
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You weren't allowed to say that you were depressed in the black community. Depression wasn't in our vocabulary. And the remedy was to just pray about and go to church and we'll snap out of it. Or some would visit their numerous choice of liquor stores on each corner in the hood. So, drinking and smoking their depression or other mental issues they were dealing with away became the remedy but never dealt with. Those who were labeled as crazy because they talked to themselves and was seen swinging at the air, were ignored and people in the neighborhood would either say they're fighting with their demons or they're just working things out in the mind. But did we dare approach them? Absolutely not. They were labeled as crazy and we, the younger kids stayed away from the aunt or uncle that our relatives would have sit in the rocking chair on the front porch.<br />
Things that we witnessed growing up that was embedded in our memory, including the harsh, betrayed, and hurtful experiences has become part of our character. And that's where mental disorders comes into play.<br />
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Mental Health combines all of our emotions, psychological issues and social state. Many people have become accustomed to hiding their mental state. 1 out of 5 people have some sort of mental issue. Is that number high, absolutely. It's high because people masked it so well that you can't tell if they are truly dealing with some sort of mental issue.<br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000;">List of Mental Issues:</span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">Anxiety Disorders</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">bipolar</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">BPD ( Borderline Personality Disorder)</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">Depression</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">Dissociative Disorders, </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">Psychosis</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">Eating Disorders</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">Drinking Disorders</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder)</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">Schizoaffective Disorder</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc0000;">Schizophrenia</span></li>
</ul>
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WHEW! That's a lot! And that isn't touching the surface of other disorders that have been diagnosed. And if you're not a professional or studied anything pertaining to mental health in an higher education setting, you wouldn't even know if your own momma , child, significant other or best friends are dealing with some of these issues because they hide it so well. It becomes the norm in their life. </div>
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But what about you? Are there issues that you are masking to show face because you were taught, <i>like myself</i>, never to show or say what you're going through because you don't want people in your business. You put a smile on your face and straighten up. A memory just came to mind. When I was a child, I remembered I got into trouble for something. I got spanked, popped or whatever you want to call it. As we were leaving out the house, I remember my parent saying, "Now straighten up your face. Nobody needs to see you looking all sad like something is wrong." I tried to fix my face but to no avail my cousins saw I must have gotten into trouble because they all had the same look on their face after they get in trouble with their parents. My aunt proceed to ask me, "What's wrong with you?" Dare I not open my mouth. My parent said, "She's fine. Don't pay her any mind. She just has an attitude." YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! I DID HAVE AN ATTITUDE! I was just disciplined LOL. </div>
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But that alone taught me and so many others how to mask our issues that we are dealing with on the inside. Think about it, when you get into an argument with your man or woman and you go to work, do you walk in with an attitude, having a sour face, grumpy and quiet. Probably not. You put on your mask to cover your issue until you are able to let it out at the right time. We've learned how to mask our mental state. Here are some early symptoms that you may be aware of but tend to ignore:</div>
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<li><span style="color: red;">Excessive worry and fear</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Feeling excessively sad</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Problems concentrating and learning, lack focus </span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Extreme mood changes, including uncontrollable “highs” or feelings of euphoria</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Easily angered or irritable </span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Avoiding friends and social activities</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Difficulties understanding or relating to other people</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Changes in sleeping habits, constantly fatigue, and having low energy</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Changes in eating habits such as increased hunger or lack of appetite</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Changes in sex drive (increase or decrease)</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Difficulty perceiving reality (delusions or hallucinations, in which a person experiences and senses things that don't exist in objective reality)</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Inability to perceive changes in one’s own feelings, behavior or personality</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Abuse of substances like alcohol or drugs</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Multiple physical ailments without obvious causes (such as headaches, stomach aches, vague and ongoing “aches and pains”)</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Thinking about suicide</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">Inability to carry out daily activities or handle daily problems and stress</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; max-height: 1e+06px;"><span style="color: red;">An intense fear of weight gain or concern with appearance</span></li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Know-the-Warning-Signs" target="_blank">https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Know-the-Warning-Signs</a></div>
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If you are experiencing a few of these symptoms, maybe it's time to take the mask off and get professional help or at least begin to speak to someone that you trust that can help you start the process of mental healing. That person can be your accountability partner. But having an accountability partner is just the first step outside of getting professional help. It can be someone from your church, but that would only help with the spiritual aspect. Many issues are deeper than having a divine spiritual interaction. I know speaking to a counselor or a therapist (it's a difference), can be costly but it's an investment to your own mentality. They can range anywhere from $70 a session to $170 a session. Usually those that are more expensive are in the populated cities like, NYC, LA, or ATL. Some counselors or therapists will charge you according to your income. Instead of seeing your therapists or counselor every week, you can go every two weeks. If you can afford a night out with the guys or girls and spend anywhere from $50 to $100, you can afford to invest in yourself. No one needs to know that you are seeking professional help, unless you make it known to people that you are getting help. At this moment it's about YOU, and no one else. </div>
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Before I conclude, let me explain the difference between a counselor and a therapist. </div>
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A counselor helps individuals understand and solve problems to help them deal with mental or emotional stresses. </div>
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A therapist helps individuals understand and tackle and solve problems concerning their situation in order to gain a more understanding about how they react to things that affect their emotions, behavior and their way of thinking. </div>
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There are different types of counseling and therapists. I will cover the differences in both next week. But at this time begin to reevaluate yourself and think about issues that you are masking. Don't try to pull the scabs off the mask just yet, leave that to the professional. It will be a painful but fulfilling process. Until then....get ready to unmask your mental state. </div>
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EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-46338316907719681182018-08-14T16:12:00.001-04:002018-08-14T16:12:13.023-04:00Whisper Out Loud: LIFE OF LEMONS... How "Sweet" it is?<a href="http://delicioustalker.blogspot.com/2018/08/life-of-lemons-how-sweet-it-is.html?spref=bl">Whisper Out Loud: LIFE OF LEMONS... How "Sweet" it is?</a>: LIFE OF LEMONS I haven’t blogge...EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-44248424409882963722018-08-07T20:53:00.000-04:002018-08-07T20:54:30.932-04:00LIFE OF LEMONS... How "Sweet" it is?<div style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">
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<b><i><u><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">LIFE OF LEMONS</span></u></i></b></div>
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I haven’t blogged for 2 years because this thing called “<b><i>Life</i></b>” happened. I can’t believe 2 years had slipped by so quickly. You know that saying, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. (Side note, who says you have to make lemonade, when you can make a lemon meringue pie, or other dishes you use lemons with to make it better.) Well, sometimes “<b><i>Life</i></b>” gives you more than lemons. Sometimes, it will throw in a lime, rotting fruits, stale water and fruit flies. Yeah, you can’t make lemonade or other dishes with those types of ingredients. That’s exactly what “<b><i>Life</i></b>” threw my way. No matter how much I tried to salvage what “<b><i>Life</i></b>” gave me, it kept getting worst and began to taste horrible. The stench at times became intolerable and seep into other areas in my life...my career, my relationship, my friendships, my health, my family and my finances. It was that one fateful day when I realized that I couldn’t make the “<b><i>Life</i></b>” of Lemons taste any better. The more I put into it, the worst it got. So, I took “<b><i>Life</i></b>” by the handle and dumped all the garage out.</div>
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Dumping out the crap was somewhat easy, but the stench still lingered and that’s when I learned to scourge the inside and that’s where it became painful.</div>
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Sometimes as adults, we have so much of unnecessary ingredients that we don’t need that we still hold onto for years. When we were younger, we couldn’t wait to grow up and live our own life. Not realizing all the lemons that we carry with us will soon rot and spoil the rest of “<b><i>Life’s</i></b>” ingredients. As adults, we have to learn how to purge ourselves, even when it doesn’t feel good. The cleaning is necessary. Getting rid of toxic relationships, friendships and......marriages. Oh yes, I did say marriages. I know that sounds weird coming from someone who is a Christian and who take marriage vows seriously. But toxic and draining marriages sometimes have to end. But that’s for another post.</div>
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Ending the friendships and relationships that has run its course is a must at times. Some can be restored and some can’t. But in order to make the best of what life throws at us, it requires us to start over. Keep some of the lemons and toss out the rotten ones. But as adults, you must know which ones to get rid of and which ones to keep. Being an adult really shows you what “<b><i>Life</i></b>” has in store for you and how you can handle it. In some situations, we have to learn how to deal with it. For instance, racial discrimination, death of a love one, or something less morbid, having an empty nest and learning yourself or spouse all over again or loss of a job. It can be anything. But I’ve learned that in “<b><i>Life</i></b>”, we are never prepared for what it throws at us but we can be ready. It takes time to get rid of a lot of toxic things that “<b><i>Life</i></b>” has presented to us. The renewal won’t happen overnight. Nor will it happen in a couple of months or a year. It all depends on us as a person and how much we want to really enjoy being an adult and living that life that we always imagined as a child.</div>
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Here are a few steps that can help you get started. Just know that you have to really want to start over. You have to know what lemons to keep and the rotten lemons you must get rid of. Just know...that sometimes, those beautiful yellow, ripe lemons that you choose to keep, can be rotten in the inside. So pay close attention to your friends, associates and even family.</div>
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(There isn’t an particular order. Add or Omit according to your own “<b><i>Life</i></b>” of lemons.</div>
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1.<u><b>Spirituality</b> </u><br />
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<u><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLDcYD5nt11lQcYdZD-LDEpTUbF1yrbhRoVlAR-a94BVKd8Ts8_tvbl1rMlSmZCQoWkgxVh3bTm-HbRpF0JeDmSwY2uo7rdm_fQnr_gq-auNs3gMhQcVkoBI1OGLeVtuO2w2XWa0rNOZ4/s1600/Praise-Worship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="350" data-original-width="600" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLDcYD5nt11lQcYdZD-LDEpTUbF1yrbhRoVlAR-a94BVKd8Ts8_tvbl1rMlSmZCQoWkgxVh3bTm-HbRpF0JeDmSwY2uo7rdm_fQnr_gq-auNs3gMhQcVkoBI1OGLeVtuO2w2XWa0rNOZ4/s320/Praise-Worship.jpg" width="320" /></a></u></div>
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When we decide to empty ourselves. We are completely drained and feel the void. The worst thing we can do is empty ourselves of everything “Life” had given us and lose ourselves in the bottomless void. Going to church, getting revelation, seeking God, learning how to listen to our spirit and to God, is what helps many people. I know personally, that was <i>my</i> starting place. That was the best starting place for <i>me</i>. Many others who have done the same thing got clarity as well. Although it doesn’t happen in that first Sunday service or TV ministry, but it’s a starting place. Just be mindful of who ministers to you. This is where any spirit and returning spirits can fog your mind. I encourage people to read the Bible ( My favorite..The Message Version and NKJV), Read Joel Osteen, TD Jakes, Steve Furtick and John Gray.</div>
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2. <b><u>Social Media </u><u>Sabbatical</u></b><u> </u><br />
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<u><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrpMy01iE9_2bfjqIEnDtkQgzIWdikL4U7v8_9_Ro1BfTN47a2cG_rlKv-REyxUaLT-3jO0FXErk3ARugl4oZkobQQbWGLDVtagM64l-IwjelXpv2Mv9ILt8v3D8nOasufgHGWDbqDT84/s1600/social-media-644x362.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="362" data-original-width="644" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrpMy01iE9_2bfjqIEnDtkQgzIWdikL4U7v8_9_Ro1BfTN47a2cG_rlKv-REyxUaLT-3jO0FXErk3ARugl4oZkobQQbWGLDVtagM64l-IwjelXpv2Mv9ILt8v3D8nOasufgHGWDbqDT84/s320/social-media-644x362.jpg" width="320" /></a></u></div>
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This may be easy for some. And it can be extremely hard for others. We all have Twitter fingers. We want to tell everyone how we feel and voice our frustrations. But Social Media isn’t the place. Not only do you not want people who you barely know and talk to in your business, but during that time, you don’t want to become more depressed or feel lack of self-worth when you see everyone on your FB Wall or on the Gram posting about how great their lives are, engagement, wedding, anniversary and baby announcements, while you are trying to come to terms with starting completely over. Re-filling that natural clean water back into your life is what you’re working on. There is no room for tap water.</div>
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3. <u><b>Talk Less</b></u><br />
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<u><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3RBfbDnTDETHbp49yI5QHdbCBsrm4l2aW4_0pQfQH6SQhiOhwIRz-m2fBbUsSTrJWQrIWcRL_Cna-ztoLrluknkUY48GtXAS3nSJUdxEq8QWdP1p7z76r6gkQbxA4V9Zh-_fpyK-QsEk/s1600/afam_woman_shh_300x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3RBfbDnTDETHbp49yI5QHdbCBsrm4l2aW4_0pQfQH6SQhiOhwIRz-m2fBbUsSTrJWQrIWcRL_Cna-ztoLrluknkUY48GtXAS3nSJUdxEq8QWdP1p7z76r6gkQbxA4V9Zh-_fpyK-QsEk/s1600/afam_woman_shh_300x300.jpg" /></a></b></u></div>
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This is where you learn who are the lemons you can hold onto, the imitations and the rotten ones. Talk less, listen more, watch more. We have two ears, two eyes and one mouth. We will see people's real intentions as we become more in-tuned with our our lives and our destiny. Now, I know you may ask, "Why hold onto to some lemons, if I’m getting rid of them in the first place?" Well, some of those lemons in “<b><i>Life</i></b>” are necessary for our growth and maturity. We can learn from them. As time goes on, we learn how to add something sweet to those situations or people, that will enhance the situation. You can also help them become better as well.</div>
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4. <b><u>Learn </u><u>Yourself</u></b><br />
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<b><u><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSx8imSwtU5cnNe_bt9SwaUSYfM9Aqeyid0H5d7X-ChbLntagVnOb_-_q_kcEV1KSw_X4LLDpJiqK2jk2wD7-iyPXrzJKyzuLajy2qFBOr3Ony8NItW-7kGCHluc2C6Dr8h7uVq-xB3tc/s1600/career_chart_yourself-2chvg6a.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="211" data-original-width="325" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSx8imSwtU5cnNe_bt9SwaUSYfM9Aqeyid0H5d7X-ChbLntagVnOb_-_q_kcEV1KSw_X4LLDpJiqK2jk2wD7-iyPXrzJKyzuLajy2qFBOr3Ony8NItW-7kGCHluc2C6Dr8h7uVq-xB3tc/s320/career_chart_yourself-2chvg6a.gif" width="320" /></a></u></b></div>
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This is the hard but the fun part. Learning yourself all over again. When we were younger, between the ages of 10 - 20 years old, we pictured ourselves doing things that we always wanted to try. Maybe we’ve gotten around to doing it or maybe we didn’t because of the lemons. This is where we can try things that we always wanted to try. Healthy options of course. Why, put crap back into your life that you’ve purged and still are purging out? Wanted to take kickboxing class? Go for it! That’s something I always wanted to try and I did and I love every minute of it....especially the boxing. It’s a great stress reliever. Wanted to go Skydiving but was talked out of it or gave in to your own nerves? Go for it!! Fly high! Wanted to drive across the country? Drive baby, drive! Wanted to take a drawing or painting class? Paint away! Who knows the hidden talent you have. Wanted to pursue that person you’ve felt a romantic and spiritual connection with? Connect away!!! Hey, you want to quit your job and go for the career you are most passionate about? Do it!!! Ain’t nobody holding you back but yourself. This is where you learn yourself. Your likes and dislikes. I said it will be hard too right? Well, it will be hard. With naysayers and doubters and years of un-doing your own doubts, it will be hard. But learning yourself is one of the most satisfying things you can do for yourself <b><i><u>FIRST</u></i></b> and your family <b><i><u>SECOND</u></i></b> (spouse and kids included) everyone else comes <b><i><u>LAST</u></i></b>.</div>
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5. <u><b>Counseling </b></u><br />
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I don’t care what anybody says. Everybody needs some sort of counseling. Be it spiritual or professional counseling. You can’t get to the root of some situations that “<b><i>Life</i></b>” lemons had taken a firm grip to your identity. Sometimes, there are situations that occurred in our childhood that causes us to form bad habits and/or hold onto the hurts that “<b><i>Life</i></b>” took us through. Letting go isn’t easy. And coming face to face with issues that is hard to release is even harder. Going to counseling, seeking a therapist or whatever you want to call it, is getting the help you need so you can fully enjoy the new “<b><i>Life</i></b>” and be ready to tackle any intruders that can catch you off guard along your life’s journey.</div>
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6. <u><b>Be Patient </b></u><br />
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<u><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgco2JFyZjpjJx3Xq0xDN0N1JNekw3vMcQUS7mr-tgKhqc5Qv_8zkK42KdV_WJaVZ35OZgkGi5pn9PeTTNQbe4rY2apWB6b9Dkl1lts8Axu9ljOXU9bjE1Re4JR8p4tS5qRNEWzoRPOA7A/s1600/Beat_the_Clock_logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="166" data-original-width="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgco2JFyZjpjJx3Xq0xDN0N1JNekw3vMcQUS7mr-tgKhqc5Qv_8zkK42KdV_WJaVZ35OZgkGi5pn9PeTTNQbe4rY2apWB6b9Dkl1lts8Axu9ljOXU9bjE1Re4JR8p4tS5qRNEWzoRPOA7A/s1600/Beat_the_Clock_logo.jpg" /></a></b></u></div>
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<i>"Patience is a virtue"</i>..That’s something we’ve always heard growing up. Here’s another one... "<i>Good things comes to those who wait."</i> All of those patient phases refers to you as well, as an individual. We have to learn how to be patient with ourselves and know that we are a continuing work in progress. Even if you decide to do a career change. That can’t be forced. It takes time, possibly years of more schooling. You may have to take a huge pay cut and cut back on your excessive spending and wanna be lavish lifestyle that you want to portray to others. (<i>Just say ouch if that’s you.</i>) Being patient with ourselves is very difficult. We would see the person that we are and may not like what we see. But this is all part of the Lemons <b><i>“Life</i></b>” has given us. Understand that you can be your own lemons in your own life and in someone else’s life.</div>
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7.<u> <b>Have Fun </b></u><br />
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Enjoy “<b><i>Life</i></b>” and all that will come. The good, bad, and the ugly. Rotten lemons and imitations will appear. But, as we grow and mature we will know how to eliminate them. Here’s another saying...<i>Live, Love and Laugh</i>. Bottom line...enjoy “<b><i>Life</i></b>”. Enjoy the lemons and the great meals and desserts that you will make with it...from scratch.</div>
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But one important thing I want you to remember is, we can be that lemon in someone else’s life. You can be that lemon that is just as rotten to the core like the ones you have gotten rid of or maybe you mask your rotten qualities. Taking off for 2 years and eliminating all types of Lemons and garbage was preparing me for the unforeseen. I was ready.<b><i><u> Are you?</u></i></b></div>
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EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-23887024327568668892016-08-22T15:16:00.001-04:002016-08-22T15:16:36.227-04:00Whisper Out Loud: Black Women in domestic violent relationships<a href="http://delicioustalker.blogspot.com/2016/08/black-women-in-domestic-violent.html?spref=bl">Whisper Out Loud: Black Women in domestic violent relationships</a>: It has always been said that back women are strong, independent, hardworking and has the blood through their veins to be powerful, voc...EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-80997399585637265632016-08-22T15:13:00.000-04:002016-08-22T15:13:36.745-04:00Black Women in domestic violent relationships<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It has always been said that back women are strong, independent, hardworking and has the blood through their veins to be powerful, vocal and is a born fighter. All of these things are true but there are misconceptions about some black women. When the words domestic violence is heard, people automatically assume that it is a white, Hispanic, or Asian woman. A woman of color never comes to mind. Why? Not only because of the multiple descriptions above but because it's known that black women will fight back and will never back down from a fight. This is so far from the truth. There are black women who are in a domestic violent relationship or marriage. Just like so many other women, they too fell trapped and have a sense of no escape.<br />
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Domestic Violence doesn't have a color and sex. Yes, some men are in domestic violent relationships too. I honestly believe that they are non-vocal because they (men) are in an uncommon situation. But looking at the black women, there are more cases of black women in domestic violent relationship that coming out in the open. Many of the women in these cases witnessed someone in their home when they was a child, who they looked up to as a strong female in their life, get beat up on by men. Sometime during their childhood, they try to comfort the female they admired only to be turned away with a single phase, "I'm okay. It'll be alright." With that simple phrase they assumed that things <i>were</i> okay and that, <i>that is</i> what's to happen to women.<br />
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Also in the black culture, spankings are called beatings. As a child our mothers wouldn't say you are going to be a spanking; they would say, "You are going to get a beating when you get home." Sometimes the beatings doesn't happen at home. Sometimes the beatings would take place in the back seat of a car or in a public restroom. But at home....the dad would do the "beating". Interesting, how a grown man would beat their daughter and after the beating were over, it was the talk about how they beat them because they love them. This can confuse any young child, especially a young girl. At that point her spirit is broken and thinks that if she gets hit, it's because she is loved. I believe that's where it starts with most women of color.<br />
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Some black women who didn't grow up in a home with a dad could have possibly experienced the gradual effects of domestic violence in other ways. That first boyfriend or that first crush who used her and she missed all the signs. Some black women who are CEO's and who hold high positions in their career, can also be in a domestic violent relationship but can it hide it very well. Sometimes they would take their frustrations out on their employees or co-workers. Tyler Perry's movie "<i><b>Madea's Family Reunion</b></i>", is about a black woman in a violent relationship. He shows how it's difficult for some women to leave a toxic and dangerous relationship because of family and the blindness of material things. I wrote a novel called "<b><i>Rescuing Destiny</i></b>" about a young CEO becoming trapped in a domestic violent relationship that she covered up for years. Both characters, Lisa in <i>Madea's Family Reunion</i> and Destiny in <i>Rescuing Destiny</i>, feared for their lives and what they can lose. Domestic Violence in the black community is present and is becoming more common.<br />
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Shedding light on domestic violence regardless of race or sex is a priority that shouldn't be taken lightly. Here are some signs that shows gradual steps in a violent relationship.<br />
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<ul>
<li>Jealousy</li>
<li>Controlling behavior</li>
<li>Isolation</li>
<li>Blames others for problems and feelings</li>
<li>hypersensitive</li>
<li>Cruelty to animals and children</li>
<li>Force Sex</li>
<li>Verbal abuse</li>
<li>Dual personality</li>
<li>Past battering</li>
<li>Threats of violence</li>
<li>Breaking and striking objects</li>
<li>Any force during an argument</li>
</ul>
<a href="http://www.newchoicesinc.org/help/DV/signs" target="_blank">http://www.newchoicesinc.org/help/DV/signs</a><br /><br />
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It's never too late to get out. If you know anyone who is being abused or maybe you are a victim call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1800-799-7233 or you can visit www.thehotline.org<br />
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<img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbVO22MubikzpPMTcutJ4azK-LLtME0jFxzp4XQo-gm0b1GwJJFb2cm7b2m9IfOVOcDNMts9SiSRj1dMWW4sBg4t_83UacSsRIAuNreI6ClRClwDtk0XCWED0d4i2i8RLZJISYphYAMxg/s320/rescuing+destiny.png" width="213" /><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Rescuing-Destiny-Earliecia-J-Ebron-ebook/dp/B00XDSBQ3G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1471892710&sr=8-1&keywords=rescuing+destiny" target="_blank">https://www.amazon.com/Rescuing-Destiny-Earliecia-J-Ebron-ebook/dp/B00XDSBQ3G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1471892710&sr=8-1&keywords=rescuing+destiny</a></div>
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<br />EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-65605196462255173262016-07-10T13:32:00.001-04:002016-07-10T13:32:05.162-04:00Whisper Out Loud: Can't Stay Calm<a href="http://delicioustalker.blogspot.com/2016/07/cant-stay-calm.html?spref=bl">Whisper Out Loud: Can't Stay Calm</a>: During the last couple of days this country, the USA, experienced another heartbreaking tragedy involving police brutality which e...EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-31761280853936023522016-07-10T13:31:00.000-04:002016-07-10T13:31:02.226-04:00Can't Stay Calm<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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During the last couple of days this country, the USA, experienced another heartbreaking tragedy involving police brutality which ended the lives of Alton Sterling and Philandro Castile. Police brutality in the USA has become so out control that the Bahamas has issued an travel advisory to their citizens who are planning to travel to the USA in mist of them celebrating their Independence Day. <a href="http://fox2now.com/2016/07/10/bahamas-issues-travel-warning-to-citizens-traveling-to-u-s/" target="_blank">http://fox2now.com/2016/07/10/bahamas-issues-travel-warning-to-citizens-traveling-to-u-s/</a> <br />
I wouldn't be surprised if other counties begin to follow suit. There has been numerous of protests around the USA, as well as overseas like London, that are in raged about the heightened police brutality against black people.<br />
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As a black American woman, I feel the tension when I am in the area that is known as predominately white. But my greatest fear is for my son who is a 13 year old, 5'9 black male who is in high school. He has a set of diverse friends and is very active in sports. He is a great kid that never gave me a hard time, stayed out of trouble, and has always been respectful to adults. He is also the type of kid who would befriend someone who is being bullied. He has always had a big heart. But with recent events, me and his step-dad had to sit down and talk to him about what has transpired once again. Walking into his room, I told him that we needed to talk to him because another innocent black male was murdered by the police. His eyes shot wide open. As we spoke to him, I was holding back my frustration and tears because here I am having the "reinforce" conversation with my son about growing up black in America.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuv5cDj0JwWJE8XINygOS7otWr3vB1FQ-6XouI_5c9udJlNaxp8XGlWNYrhxBFc_cgHht_V48g_Qk-WMvDo3Hogia97y2IvpJVzOtdeN_HGZOVaO6k01FLdPC7u5na0qOO0KeR7nDel04/s1600/The-Talk-JM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuv5cDj0JwWJE8XINygOS7otWr3vB1FQ-6XouI_5c9udJlNaxp8XGlWNYrhxBFc_cgHht_V48g_Qk-WMvDo3Hogia97y2IvpJVzOtdeN_HGZOVaO6k01FLdPC7u5na0qOO0KeR7nDel04/s320/The-Talk-JM.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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It's scary that his life is threatened everyday because of the color of his skin. I never thought that I would ever have to have this conversation with my son when he was born. My "counterparts" doesn't </div>
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have to have this conversation with their kids. They can walk out the house, go to the store, and get pulled over by the cops without being harassed and make it home ALIVE. I know that not all police officers are racists and are not out to cause harm to minorities. But there are plenty of corrupt cops that are getting away with murder by placing them on paid administrative leave, probation, house arrest and given their badges and firearm back. We have the <b>Black Lives Matter</b> and there are people who are against it or feel as though <b>All Lives Matter.</b> It is true that All Lives Matter, but when one particular life is in jeopardy and is constantly attacked, then that life matters. And at this time, that has always existed... black people lives has always been on jeopardy and is in constant attack. </div>
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At the end of the day, everyone wants peace. I want peace. I want peace of mind that my son, husband, father, brother, uncles and cousins will come home safe at the end of their day. So, I can't keep calm. As a black American mom, wife, daughter, sister, niece and cousin, I may never keep calm.</div>
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EJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1911424587250011179.post-34287776932400506662016-06-12T13:44:00.001-04:002016-06-12T13:44:33.838-04:00Whisper Out Loud: No Make-up Movement<a href="http://delicioustalker.blogspot.com/2016/06/no-make-up-movement.html?spref=bl">Whisper Out Loud: No Make-up Movement</a>: A lot of people made a big fuss about Alicia Keys beginning herEJEbronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11026447170402631536noreply@blogger.com1