Stage 1: Shock to the System
It starts with the WTH moment. For the older crowd, WTH stands for 'What The Heck' and I use the word 'heck' lightly. For the younger generation, it's the WTF moment. It's that suddenly in life, where if everything would to go wrong all at once, it would be that sudden event that just happened. That suddenly event that caused your world to stop. That shocking moment that just made all of your problems and trivial issues, appear non-existent.
When you're shocked, you can't breathe. Your body and mind is numb for that moment in time. All of your senses become null and void. You lose the vision of where you are because your mind isn't focused on your surrounding environment. Why do you think when people call you with bad news the first thing they ask you is, "Where are you?" It's because of your safety. Whatever they have to tell you, they don't want you to become distracted from your surroundings and put yourself and others in danger. Your hearing diminishes. After hearing what shocked your system, you're not listening to anything else they are saying. You are focused on the sudden event that was just said or done to you. Why do you think we ask them to repeat what they said. It's because you weren't focused on what was told to you afterwards. For example, I can't recall anything else after my mom told me that the doctor said she had breast cancer. I heard her talking but I wasn't listening to her. Maybe you was extremely hungry before you was called into the office at work and after hearing that you was being fired or laid off, the taste of hungry left. Shock became the food your body fed on.
Or upon hearing some shocking news, maybe you were surrounded by family and friends. And those who came to touch your shoulders or offer you a hug, you didn't feel their compassion. Your body went stiff. Your body went to numb to any sensation that was trying to soothe your pending emotion.
There are trigger reasons that causes us to go into shock. Some are:
- A sudden break-up in a relationship or engagement
- An unexpected divorce
- Sudden loss of a loved one
- Loss of a job (no income)
- Sexual Assault
- Diagnosis of a life-threatening, curable or incurable condition
- Humiliating experience
We experience the shock first because it's part of our body's response: the Fight, Flight, or Freeze response. Our mind is preparing us for sometimes a fast, thoughtless action, or trying to make sense of the news that was just told to us. Or sometimes the news is so shocking, our brain will cause our body to shut down, where we would pass out. Our body can take only so much pain and emotional overload. Since it's hard to think clearly when you are in shock, you should give yourself a chance to calm down, take deep breaths, remove yourself from the situation or person before reacting, unless you have to make a quick response. Some people go directly to Stage 3 which is Anger. I know I have. That usually happens when you experience a sudden break-up, loss or a job or a loss of a love one. That is quite natural. This is the body's Fight response.
But after receiving the sudden news, it would take a couple of hours before your senses begin to kick back in. You don't have to do anything. Just allow yourself to experience each emotion naturally, one stage at a time. You may have heard the term Acute Stress Reaction (ASR). It's also known as acute stress disorder, psychological shock, mental shock or just shock. I'm mentioning this because during this stage we can fall into 5 general categories:
At this stage (SHOCK), it's early to seek a therapist. It's best to see how things play out for you. However, talking to a mentor, a person that have insight and have experienced what you are feeling would be helpful and make the stages go a little smoother. One thing I can tell you is that you are not the first person that has experienced a traumatic experience. There is nothing new under the sun. Everyone has had their heart broken into a unfixable pieces, loss a job, loss a close love one, even their own child, contacted diseases, and hundreds of other horrible experiences. Everyone had experienced it differently. Some choose to face it and deal with it and some ignore it hoping it will go away and to never feel it again. Only to have it smack them in their face years later, which is now causing issues within their relationships, marriage, job, health, or develop paranoia.
You may run. You may give in to the Flight response, but you can't hide.
Next week: Stage 2: Denial
- Intrusion: involuntary distressing memories of the trauma or recurrent dreams
- Negative Mood: persistent inability to experience positive emotions
- Dissociation: seeing oneself from an outsider's perspective or being in a daze
- Avoidance: avoidance of memories, thoughts, feelings, people, or places associated with the trauma
- Arousal: having a hard time falling asleep or staying asleep, irritable behavior or having a hard time concentrating
At this stage (SHOCK), it's early to seek a therapist. It's best to see how things play out for you. However, talking to a mentor, a person that have insight and have experienced what you are feeling would be helpful and make the stages go a little smoother. One thing I can tell you is that you are not the first person that has experienced a traumatic experience. There is nothing new under the sun. Everyone has had their heart broken into a unfixable pieces, loss a job, loss a close love one, even their own child, contacted diseases, and hundreds of other horrible experiences. Everyone had experienced it differently. Some choose to face it and deal with it and some ignore it hoping it will go away and to never feel it again. Only to have it smack them in their face years later, which is now causing issues within their relationships, marriage, job, health, or develop paranoia.
You may run. You may give in to the Flight response, but you can't hide.
Next week: Stage 2: Denial
