Sunday, March 31, 2019

Stage 3: Anger... You've Got Some Issues

Stage 3: Anger...You've Got Some Issues


                                  


Stage 3: Anger...You've Got Some Issues

We've heard that so many times going up. "You've got some issues." Haven't we all got some issues. We've also heard this phrase many of times growing up, "Why are you so mad? OR.... You stay mad?" Well, why is that? Why do so many of us stay mad in certain issues? It's because we haven't moved pass that anger stage from that particular circumstance. We tend to brush things under the rug and never address those issues that we've become numb to. But once awaken and once we are forced to confront that issue, that person, or that place, we become enraged with anger. And rightfully so. Some are non-violent in their anger and then there are those who become violent to others and to themselves. 

Anger is a stage that is very much necessary for the healing process to commence. Being angry at the situation, the person or even that particular place is normal. It may seem like the anger will never let up. One minute you're fine and then suddenly you are filled with anger. Something could have triggered it. Someone could have said something that had you remember the pain. Who knows? Anything can cause your anger to flare. The more you allow yourself to be angry, it will lessen over time and moving on will happen quickly and smoothly. 

Underneath the anger is pain, it's your pain. It's your pain that is releasing itself. Usually the anger that we hold in and the reason why people always ask, "Why you so mad and you stay mad," is so we don't have to feel that pain. Pain isn't a good feeling. It hurts. Excuse me for a moment and  let me be transparent, It hurts like hell! But we live in a world that fears anger. Society tells us not to be angry and to just let it go. Well, how are we supposed to let it go if we can't be angry. What if you are angry and want to stay angry? Well then stay angry! Stay angry until you don't have anymore anger left in you from that situation. Stay angry until your anger has exhausted you. I know that's new and probably hasn't been said before. But it's needed. 
If you've never seen this video. Please watch it. And if you want to scream it outside your window: SCREAM AWAY!


                                             

I've came across 3 steps to help you through anger. It helped me.


  1. Recognize You're NOT Yourself. 
During your anger, you realize that you have to come to terms with your new normal. You will realize that your old life no longer exist and that in order for you to move on, you must adjust to the new normal. It's an uneasy, nervous, scary feeling but one thing that I reminded myself is: there is nothing new under the sun. Everyone has dealt with death, a break-up, a divorce, a loss of a job, and list goes on. And those people who experienced that same thing that I and you have experienced or is experiencing, guess what... they are living, they are loving life, they got back into the dating scene and got married, they had kids, they got the job they applied for with better pay than the job that fired them, and so on.

       2. Express Your Anger.

It's okay to be angry. And it's okay to release and express your anger. But one thing I've always heard growing up was what the Scriptures said. In the Bible, it tells you to be angry but don't sin in your anger. (Ephesians 4:26) Jesus got angry in the Scriptures. He flipped over tables and threw people out of the church who were using the church as a marketplace. (I know, that's a whole other topic.) But our anger can be constructive or destructive. Now, if you're being destructive, then you get everything what is coming for you. The Consequences. Choose to be constructive with your anger, channel it to something that will help you. For me, I took up kickboxing and boxing. I remember one day, I was feeling anxiety and extremely angry. I threw on my leggings and a t-shirt, grabbed my boxing gloves and headed to the gym. Once inside, I began to warm up, still feeling the anger, 10 minutes into the class, the instructor told us to attack the bag. And boy did I attack the bag. I pictured a face and went crazy. I did uppercut and side jab combos. Tears were streaming down my face. It felt great! It was the release that I needed. I hurt my wrist in the process but it released that anger.  If you can't get to the gym or isn't into working out, then give yourself some time to cool down. Go for a walk, take a nap, sit in silence, go get a massage, do something that makes you happy. 

         3. Ask For Forgiveness.

I know you may be confused about this but asking for forgiveness will release you from anger too. This is hard, very hard. We must practice and exhibit grace. This is the only way to let go of anger. We must not only ask for forgiveness but we must accept their forgiveness. Even if they never come to apologize. You are the only one that can let go of your anger. You are the only one that can choose to continue to live in your anger and harbor unforgiveness. Understand that holding in anger and unforgiveness shortens your life. The stress will kill you. If the person died, go to their grave site or write a letter or look at their picture and say what you wanted to say. Tell them what you wanted them to hear. 

Going through this stage is worth it. You will be a better person than you once were before. You may not want that right now and that's okay. In due time you will. When you do get there, know that you will experience some sort of anger from that situation in the future, but it will be different. The anger will be short and quick. And soon, it will be non-existent in the circumstance. Oh, and people who don't want others to be angry... I just want you to know that those who are going through it, absolutely hate when people tell them how they should feel and what they should do about it. How about NO! Everybody heals and express their angry differently. What works or have worked for you probably won't work for them. You don't need to create a robotic emotion within that person. Allow them to be angry. Most of the time, they aren't looking for solutions, they just want to be heard. So, close your mouth and listen. 

                                             

My friends, you got this. The power on the inside of you is greater than any obstacles in your reality. 


Next week: Stage 4: Bargaining