Stage 5: Depression...
So many of us has been there. Millions of people have went through depression. Being depressed is feeling sad for a short period of time. But being in depression can last for weeks, months and even years. I think that the most powerful thing someone can admit to is being in depression. But usually the person won't admit it until they realize they need help. How do I know? I've gone through it. I'm going to be very transparent in this post because I know how it feels to go through depression. I remember, not wanting to do anything but stay in the bed, under the covers and just let life pass me by. I didn't care about anything or anyone except for my immediate family, ie: my son, parents and brother. My teenage son was the only reason I got up everyday to go work. I vaguely remember cooking dinner. Everything is blur. That's what happens when you are in depression. You don't remember anything. I wanted to be alone and left alone.
Symptoms of Depression
- Angry outbursts, irritability and frustration
- Feeling sad, empty, hopeless and always crying
- Tired, lack of energy
- Lack interest in normal activities
- Sleep disturbances, insomnia or sleeping too much
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Anxiety
- Slowly in thinking, moving, speaking
- Unexplained physical problems
- Thoughts of suicide
- Trouble thinking, making decisions and remembering things
- Feeling worthless or guilt
- Fixating on past failures or self-blame
- Antisocial
Like so many others, I've experience every single one of the symptoms except for 2: suicidal thoughts and unexplained physical problems. Now you may wonder how is that even possible. I've became a Functional Depressive Individual (FDI). There are people who are alcoholics and drug addicts, but are able to function through the day. They are able to go to work, get things done, go through their regular routine, but on the inside they are screaming and crying. That was me. It can be hard to spot the signs of someone who is a functional depressive. You couldn't even tell if the person was in depression. My coworkers didn't have a clue or even knew what was going on in my private life. When I shared what had happened to me and how I felt a year after what transpired, they were shocked and amazed at how I kept it together. Although we can get through the day, getting things done, doesn't mean it's easy. It's not! We have heard stories of people committing suicide that no one saw coming because the person appeared to be doing great. The person had great friends, family and a good work life. People become boggled when they find out that the person who committed suicide was dealing with depression and have been hiding things from everyone, including their spouse. Being a FDI isn't easy!!!!
- It's absolutely draining to put on a fake smile. They don't feel like smiling and laughing, because they don't want people in their business. They don't want to talk about what they are feeling. They don't want to appear weak in front of anyone, except for themselves.
- They may work and complete tasks, but they aren't putting in their highest potential. Their work performance has become mediocre. They know it, but their co-workers see them excelling and doing their usually work performance.
Understand that this isn't something I've made up, but Functional Depression is a real thing and it can have serious consequences if the person doesn't acknowledge and treat it. Antidepressants can help lift the mood. But just know that it will take weeks for the medication to work. If antidepressants is what you need, then I encourage you to take them. Just make it a short term thing because it can become addictive and you won't face your emotions head on. However, I would encourage you at this point to seek a therapist, especially if you are taking or are considering taking antidepressants. Eventually, you will have to face your issues. You will have to face the things, person or people that has you in depression. It's not easy and it will be hard, but it's all part of the healing process. This can be your new beginning.
There isn't a way to prevent depression. And even when you are over the issues, depression can still lurk it's ugly head. Here are some strategies I've came across that helped me.
- Take steps to control the stress. Remember I said in the post about Anger, I took Kickboxing/ Boxing classes. Do something that will help you release your stress.
- Talk to your family and friends. Remember I posted about have Accountability Partners and your circle of safety. This is where they will come in handy.
- Get treatment at the earliest sign of a problem. Talk to your therapist. Go to your doctor. They maybe be able to do other therapy treatments besides giving you antidepressants.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It's okay and you will be okay. You will have your moments of depression but it won't last for long. You'll be depressed but not in depression. I still have my moments when I am depressed and just want to give up on hope and prayers, but I'm not in depression anymore. Depression no longer hold me captive and I know you will be released from your depression too. Something I tell myself almost every other day and I say it to people all the time... Trust the process and stick with the journey.
Next week post: Acceptance... Your New Beginning is your new normal
